Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Total Recall Amendment

This has been brewing in my head for some time, ever since Attorney Doofus Alberto Gonzales testified before Congress about the partisan US Attorney firings... and didn't testify to much because he kept saying "I Don't Recall" or variations to that effect.

71 times. 71 "I Don't Recalls". I've known Alzheimer's patients with better memories (many thanks to the Marine who kept count).

We've now got another Dept. of Justice employee, some guy named Schlozman, with such poor memory you gotta wonder what's in their diet. This "I Don't Recall" problem is growing, spreading like a virus among our elected elite to where we may have all of them suffering from severe memory loss. Hey wait... maybe if they forget how to get out of beds in the mornings... hmmmmm...

Of course, there's really nothing wrong with their memories. Not at all. It's just these guys are getting caught now committing all these sins that when brought up to testify under oath they're not about to tell the truth (because it will get them arrested) and since they don't want to get caught lying (because that will also get them arrested) they take the third route: ACTING STUPID. It's the Middle Schooler Defense: trust me, catch a 7th grader in the act and their immediate response is "I don't knowwwww..."

So here's a wonderful little Amendment proposal I've got, which is something I'm sure Congress would love:

  • Any person called to testify before Congress, regardless of being under oath, who answers any question with "I Don't Recall" or in any way feigns ignorance or cluelessness, shall immediately lose their employment, and will be barred from any federal employment, as their poor memory will clearly hamper their performance.
  • Their position shall immediately be filled by someone from an opposing political party. At double salary and benefits.
  • Dunce Caps will be optional.

I think that ought to ensure people at least testify like they're supposed to.

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