BREAKING NEWS: The Feds Sell the Single-Issued Wu-Tang Album!!!

IT HAPPENED:

The United States has sold the only copy of the Wu-Tang Clan album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin to an anonymous buyer. The price of the sale was also kept confidential.

The album was previously owned by Martin Shkreli, the infamous "Pharma Bro" who raised the price of a life-saving drug by 5,000 percent and was later convicted of securities fraud and sentenced to seven years in prison. He was forced to hand it over to the United States in 2018 as a part of a $7.4 million forfeiture judgement.

The announcement was made today by Jacquelyn M. Kasulis, the Acting United States Attorney for the Eastern District of New York. "Shkreli has been held accountable and paid the price for lying and stealing from investors to enrich himself," said Kasulis. "With today's sale of this one-of-a-kind album, his payment of the forfeiture is now complete."

Shkreli purchased the 31-track album at auction in 2015 for a reported $2 million. It was promoted as a "unique work of art" with no physical or digital duplicate in existence, and included appearances from the wider Wu-Tang family from Redman to Killarmy. Upon learning that it was Shkreli who bought the album, Wu-Tang member RZA told Bloomberg that the group decided to give "a significant portion of the proceeds to charity..."

DAMN YOU, JUSTICE DEPARTMENT. TELL US WHO BOUGHT THE WU-TANG ALBUM.

Are we gonna have to plan that Wu-Tang/Bill Murray heist after all???

To whomever bought the album off from the DOJ: 

FREE THE WU! 

OPEN CONCERT IN CENTRAL PARK! 

FREE THE WU!!!

Hit Me Baby With The Vaccine One More Time (w/ Update)

So today I got my second Moderna vaccine for the COVID-19 virus.

Ahhh, the ambiance of a retail store's pharmacy corner

I know what you're thinking:
I NEED TO SHAVE MY ARMS. /cries

This is the one that's supposed to wipe you out, create nausea, sweats, fever, general malaise, an unshakeable ennui, a propensity to write free verse poetry in Italian, and a possible rash.

It's been three hours. I was promised super powers. Where's my heat vision dammit.

(Update 4/24): As a follow-up, the following Thursday about two hours into work I got lightheaded, but not dizzy. Fatigued would be better. I knew this would be a possible side-effect so I tried to manage myself for the rest of the day, but by the afternoon my co-workers were worried I wouldn't even be able to drive home. Since I argued my balance was okay enough to walk, we compromised and a co-worker who lived near me agreed to follow me home to make sure I didn't crash or anything.

At home, I had a small dinner - leftover mac and cheese with a meat sandwich and sliced pears - and then napped for about two hours. I thought I was feeling better but just as I was about to get into bed I got hit with a severe case of the shivers. I was trembling so much it actually made it hard for me to move at all. It took serious effort of will to get my CPAP hooked up and then flopping into bed pulling every blanket I had over me to get warmer. It took about an hour of lying there shivering like mad before I felt any warmth at all.

Ugh.

Still no superpowers, either.