I need to note that I have finally run into a Pagan - all my friends are Heathens dontcha know - and she was not entirely thrilled to hear me call Thanksgiving a Pagan Turkey Sacrifice Day. Especially since I didn't name which deity the poor bird was getting sacrificed to.
So I need to find out of there's a God/Goddess that oversees the fumbling of footballs that were caused by the unfortunate collisions into the posterior of an offensive linesman.
For yea verily, this IS the 6th year anniversary of the infamous Butt Fumble. (Mark Sanchez is playing today as a backup QB for Washington)
But let's go back discussing to WHOM we are sacrificing turkeys.
I got money on the Native American legend of the Thunderbird.
In the meantime, enjoy your sacrifice of Ben Franklin's favorite feathered foe!
Before we all get into Black Friday before chasing after our Saturnalia dreams, we need to perform the ritualistic slaughter of turkeys to appease our Gods!
And so, let us look back on the greatest performance of the ritual in modern American history!
Edit: I really should call this Pagan Turkey Sacrifice Day. If I say it as Turkey Pagan Sacrifice, it reads like the turkeys are sacrificing the pagans, right...?
To refresh:
...Now, about the proper way to sacrifice your turkey to the pagan Gods of the Harvest... First, lay out a table in a geometric pattern with silver stabbing weapons and ceramic plates in which the ritual offerings can be placed. Light some scented harvest-themed candles in the center of the table... Have the participants sit within an order decided by rank and by age... Bring forth the SACRIFICE! Offer a prayer to the appropriate deity of the house... AND BEGIN THE CUTTING...!
Multiple sacrifices AKA seconds may be granted depending on the satisfaction of the house deity.
TONIGHT! THERE WILL BE SATED GODS. ALL WILL BE WELL WITHIN THE PANTHEON OF DEITIES.
Prepare for the horror that is... creamy Asparagus dishes! Artichokes! Swedish meatballs! ...no, seriously, some people do meatballs for Thanksgiving. Why? I mean, stick to the traditional meats like turkey, or honey ham, or fish. Fish is legal, it's a Pilgrim staple... ya, ya...
So anyhoo, for the benefit of the seven people who follow this blog, here's the keystone to our holiday festivity:
Now, about the proper way to sacrifice your turkey to the pagan Gods of the Harvest... First, lay out a table in a geometric pattern with silver stabbing weapons and ceramic plates in which the ritual offerings can be placed. Light some scented harvest-themed candles in the center of the table... Have the participants sit within an order decided by rank and by age... Bring forth the SACRIFICE! Offer a prayer to the appropriate deity of the house... AND BEGIN THE CUTTING...!
Multiple sacrifices AKA seconds may be granted depending on the satisfaction of the house deity.
TONIGHT! THERE WILL BE SATED GODS. ALL WILL BE WELL WITHIN THE PANTHEON OF DEITIES.
Also, it's the one-year anniversary of the Butt Fumble. Sometimes, we must wonder which Gods the Jets displeased...
Next up, SATURNALIA! I need more computer desktop wallpapers for Saturnalia, graphics artists! NOW...
