BREAKING NEWS: The Feds Sell the Single-Issued Wu-Tang Album!!!

IT HAPPENED:

The United States has sold the only copy of the Wu-Tang Clan album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin to an anonymous buyer. The price of the sale was also kept confidential.

The album was previously owned by Martin Shkreli, the infamous "Pharma Bro" who raised the price of a life-saving drug by 5,000 percent and was later convicted of securities fraud and sentenced to seven years in prison. He was forced to hand it over to the United States in 2018 as a part of a $7.4 million forfeiture judgement.

The announcement was made today by Jacquelyn M. Kasulis, the Acting United States Attorney for the Eastern District of New York. "Shkreli has been held accountable and paid the price for lying and stealing from investors to enrich himself," said Kasulis. "With today's sale of this one-of-a-kind album, his payment of the forfeiture is now complete."

Shkreli purchased the 31-track album at auction in 2015 for a reported $2 million. It was promoted as a "unique work of art" with no physical or digital duplicate in existence, and included appearances from the wider Wu-Tang family from Redman to Killarmy. Upon learning that it was Shkreli who bought the album, Wu-Tang member RZA told Bloomberg that the group decided to give "a significant portion of the proceeds to charity..."

DAMN YOU, JUSTICE DEPARTMENT. TELL US WHO BOUGHT THE WU-TANG ALBUM.

Are we gonna have to plan that Wu-Tang/Bill Murray heist after all???

To whomever bought the album off from the DOJ: 

FREE THE WU! 

OPEN CONCERT IN CENTRAL PARK! 

FREE THE WU!!!

More Schadenfreude This Week: Pharma Bro And the Wu Tang

A news blurb I missed while there was a very public meltdown of a tangential figure in the trump-Russia scandal: One of the most evil men in the world - "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli, who intentionally raised prices on rare meds - was facing his sentencing on earlier (unrelated) Securities fraud convictions during which... well, read the Verge article:

A federal court is forcing Martin Shkreli to hand over the Wu-Tang album Once Upon a Time in Shaolin to the government. Shkreli, a pharmaceuticals CEO who earned the nickname “Pharma Bro” for cavalierly hiking the price of an HIV treatment, was convicted of securities fraud in August 2017.

Though he has yet to be sentenced, a judge ruled today that Shkreli must forfeit $7.36 million, part of which will come from boring assets that no one cares about, like an E-trade brokerage account, a Picasso painting, and an unreleased Lil Wayne album. More importantly, he will be giving up the Wu-Tang album, which he bought at auction in 2014 for $2 million, which was, according to a 2015 statement by Wu-Tang’s RZA, “well before Martin Shrkeli’s [sic] business practices came to light.”

Priorities, people. Wu Tang ain't nuthin to fuck with.

When word got out in 2014 that Shkreli bought the unique album, it caused massive emotional turmoil across the cultural spectrum. It got so bad that a rumor got started that the album could only be rescued by a "morals clause" that would allow the Wu Tang members AND Bill Murray to pull off a heist to steal it back legally. While the story proved false, people wanted to see that happen, so much that an awesome movie could have been made about it:

When Pharma Bro got arrested on the fraud charges, the first thing every reporter asked was "did the feds rescue, uh seize the Wu Tang album?"

Well, now the judge is letting them.

The fate of Once Upon... is still up in the air, however:

By the terms of the sale, whoever owns the sole copy can legally do whatever they want with it, aside from releasing it commercially; there’s an 88-year ban on that. So the owner could hold exclusive listening parties or even release the album for free. It’s not clear whether the terms of the original purchase agreement can bind the government or any future buyer. Shkreli claimed to have already sold the album in September, but the buyer hasn’t stepped forward and it’s pretty unclear whether there was a hand-off. The government doesn’t care. It will take either the album or any proceeds.

Don’t expect anyone to be able to get the album through an FOIA or another kind of information request because that’s not how it works. It will likely be auctioned to the highest bidder, right next to all the yachts and Porsches and Rolexes seized from less-hated crime-doers...

One argument I would make is making the album a cataloged item in the Library of Congress, and then release it as downloadable MP3 free - remember, can't sell it - tracks off the LC website. Guarantee it will be the busiest our nation's catalog will ever get.

Pity is, we won't get that heist movie after all.

Also, I Think The New Pope Never Watched Bill Murray Movies

I mean, seriously.  Who goes and gets himself elected Pope and then names himself Francis?

Because now every time this guy's gotta visit the United States, he's gonna get this:

And it's not like this guy had any tradition to follow.  There's no previous Popes by this name: there's been a ton of Gregorys, an army of Johns, enough Benedicts to feed a breakfast buffet, a surprising number of Clements, not enough Innocents, seriously not enough Eugenes (CAREFUL WITH THAT AXE)...  no, this guy's gotta go with a new name ready for mockery.  He could have gone with Urban, that's hip right now, or Lucius... no, he's gotta go with a name that's gonna be on Zazzle and CafePress t-shirts with "Lighten Up" right above the "Francis".

On the other hand, it's bound to give the actor playing Francis a boost in popularity on the IMDB website.

On a serious note, I'm not sure the Catholic Church did themselves any favors promoting a Cardinal opposed to same-sex couples adopting, considering that promoting adoptions overall promotes a pro-life message.

But what do I know.  I'm Unitarian: I didn't have a vote in the matter.