I haven't blogged in a while, and I'm not really in the mood right now. There's been a couple of emotional hits I've taken since April, and I need to take a break from this place for another week or two.
Just remember to defend your rights, protect your communities, stop ICE, stop trump, stop evil.
And hug your cats. A lot.
I went back into my blog to cross out all the hopeful things I had posted leading up to Election Day.
Gods. A nightmare.
My personal mood is stuck between Despair and Fatigue.
I've stopped playing a lot of video games. I've stopped watching television. I've stopped going to movies. I'm finding it harder to read any books now.
I don't think I will ever experience true joy in my life. The brief moments of any kind of happiness I experience end quick, and I have so few people in my life within reach to share that happiness. I know what it's like to be in love, but I also know what it's like to never share it, to never figure out relationships, to figure out other people, to be normal. The only thing I know about love is the shape of the void it makes in my life.
My writing interest is waning. My short story submissions keep getting rejected and I can't find any other places to submit my work. I'm at the point of "why bother?"
After having all my blog articles for the Royal Palm Literary Awards ignored for FWA, it's just piling onto my despair of spending all these years raging against the madness of motherfucking trump and changing none of it. For all the limited views, for all the brief bumps I get from Crooks & Liars traffic, it's not worth it, is it? Anything I write is meaningless against the fear and hatred that a majority of Americans revel in today.
My chronic depression eats away at me. My social anxiety makes it harder and harder to even try and find people near me I could find friendship, or comfort. And it's hard already being stuck in a Deep Red county in a damned Deep Red state to find people who share my world-view.
If this reads like self-pity or wallowing, it probably is. But I've got nothing else to offer right now.
This is all I am: a tired, aging, emotionally broken nobody.
Just got a call from dad.
Mom had a bad spill at the grocery store. She's in the hospital and getting transferred to another facility to get checked for head trauma. She's able to text on the phone but still... this is NOT good.
I can't cope with the political shit at the moment.
Hug everybody.
Just need to take a quick break. I may come back and blog pretty soon, but my head and soul are not in good places right now.
A print copy of this blog's greatest hits is in the final stages.
I hired an editor through Reedsy to format the book for IngramSpark submission - I just couldn't figure out getting the gutters aligned! - both paperback and eBook, and I already had the cover done through Fiverr.
Should see the book on the market mid-May, just as I'll be heading to the FLA annual conference.
We'll see how it goes.
I did quiet down on my blogging this November in order to focus on my NaNo writing - which I got to 50,000 words but it's a mess - but I was also working on getting a new collection of short stories published so I am still a bit distracted by that even though most of the work is done.
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| Cover by M.A. Rehman at Fiverr |
Wish me luck. I hope I find a readership.
I'll get back to blogging soon.
Trying to go back through more than 13 years of political blogging to filter down enough articles to publish as a book is tough going.
I tried looking at pulling together as much of the stuff I'd blogged - hell, still blogging - about the nightmarish trump years, but I ended up with over 700 pages of the first draft, and an aggressive weeding still left me around 450 pages. If I'm trying to find an audience, overwhelming them with something the bulk and weight of a British encyclopedia is not the way to go. Even academic libraries will avoid ordering a copy.
So I decided to go through and do a Greatest Hits collection of the best blog articles I've done since 2006, except THAT was getting to 400 pages and I hadn't even gotten into 2019 at that point (my growing habit of writing long essays to impress the judges starts getting worse that year). Part of the problem was that I kept including extra blog articles to provide context to ongoing political issues or scandals I had been covering. /sigh
So, third stage of the project: I'm just going to limit myself. Just going to say "Thirty best articles, no matter what." If I need to provide context, I can add Author's introductory abstracts where needed. Just focus and get the good stuff to the readers.
Sorry for the distractions otherwise. If anything major happens on the trumpian front - say, more indictments - I will jump on that shit and blog some more stuff to add to the sequel book I've got planned BWHAHAHAHA.
In the meantime, any suggestions for a decent book title?
Update: Okay, I found my 30 articles. Page count at a respectable 159 right now. Anything I add for context shouldn't put me over 200 pages, so this is good. Still need a decent book title.
I feel like I should be blogging more but I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Yeah, the thing about the blues is that it's hard to get away from it.
I've finally started some counseling - the person I'm meeting with confirms I'm dealing with serious depression and social anxiety - but it always takes time to get better from it.
I have some good news in that one of my blog articles "All Which Wicked Designs" made it to the Finalist level of the Royal Palm Literary Awards, but gods help me it feels a bit underwhelming.
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| I mean, YAY, I did well, but for some reason I'm not feeling optimistic about my chances this year. |
Anyway, here I am. Coping.
My head is not in a good spot right now.
I tried taking most of this month off to get some writing done - or even edit some writing projects down to a manageable self-published thing - but... I couldn't focus.
I find myself just sitting in the recliner, feeling overwhelmed, not feeling inspired or motivated, and just... not there.
I really noticed I'm having serious problems by how I'm NOT even using these blank hours/days to binge-watch any of the geek shows out there. The money going to several streaming services right now are just WASTED as I zone out. I even rented a copy of Season One of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds back before 4th of July... and I still haven't even popped Disc One in to the player. And I've heard the show is good, I mean Third Season of Next Gen good. What the hell is stopping me?
It was that realization: My chronic depression is back, it's severe, and I really need to find someone on my Blue Cross HMO to see about treatment and getting out of this funk.
I'm at the point where a massive announcement of donald trump getting indicted in BOTH Georgia and Washington DC this week won't get me in a better mood. Well, okay, actually yeah I would be highly buzzed if that happens, but I know I'll be back in the recliner getting moody again.
Alas.
I need to take a brief hiatus - again - from blogging to focus on writing a bigger project this month.
I need the well wishes, please and thanks.
Here is a video of Mal hitting me with his tail.
I kind of realize I didn't dedicate a full article here about the Florida Writers Association Royal Palm Literary Awards given out back in late October. I was a Finalist with two articles - "Hark! A Ranking of Nirvana Albums" and "Irrational" - and so I went to the awards banquet with guarded hopes.
"Irrational" won the Silver (second place) trophy!
Florida Writers Association then sent me a set of award stickers I can use to stick to the book(s) that had won!
Except what had won was an online blog article. There's nothing I can stick the stickers to (unless I can sticker every computer monitor out there).
I mean, I do have books I can put stickers to - my story anthology collection Last of the Grapefruit Wars, any of the Strangely Funny anthologies I'm in, the nonfiction essays of Surviving the Age of Obstruction... except those aren't the things that won. It'd feel wrong to sticker those.
Also, the books I self-published through the POD service - Grapefruit Wars and Surviving the Age - are years old, and just not selling (as a librarian, I've confronted the sad fact I have to weed out my Surviving the Age book because no one's checked it out since 2018). I've been thinking of cancelling those books altogether, and redoing what I had published into something else.
I *could* gather more of this blog's articles together to print in a book, but I'd need a unifying theme to bind them together, rather than a loose collection of random thoughts. It'd be nice to include the "Irrational" article with it, to justify adding the stickers.
I am serious asking the nine people I've got following this blog, the few who actually pay attention: Any suggestions on what articles to collect and print?
It's become legend that whenever Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel shows up on your beach, you're getting doomed with a hurricane...
So here comes Hurricane Ian aiming for the Tampa Bay area with Jim goofing off on Clearwater Beach. More from Michaela Mulligan at the Tampa Bay Times:
After a night of intensification, Hurricane Ian has emerged as a major hurricane Tuesday — still following its track toward Tampa Bay.
The Category 3 storm is just off the coast of Cuba, about 10 miles south of Pinar Del RÃo and 130 miles southwest of the Dry Tortugas, according to an 8 a.m. update from the National Hurricane Center. Ian is moving north at about 12 mph and is expected to turn toward the north-northeast while beginning to slow Tuesday night into Wednesday.
Forecasters predict the center of Ian to move over western Cuba Tuesday morning and then emerge in the southeastern Gulf of Mexico, where it likely will strengthen...
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I'm a little further inland (Polk County), and if the storm keeps tracking straight north - or better turns west - I won't get hit with anything serious. Still, this is the first year I've gotten sandbags for my porch doors, which were vulnerable to the last hurricane that passed by.
This year, given the uptick in climate change and the noticeable erosion of the Florida coastline, my home metro of Tampa Bay may be hit real hard with lasting - and tragic - damage. Too much residential development along the coastline has made us too vulnerable to big storms like this, and we're looking at serious flooding and power outages to last well into next week.
I may try to get a few more blog articles in before the storm hits, so we'll see.
1) My air conditioner is running five degrees hotter than the thermostat is set for, so it's a bit too stuffy in my place to sit and write. Which is cutting into my short story projects at the moment as well.
2) I've changed the artwork for this blog's banner. I'm trying out a more professional-looking title image, so let me know if you like it or not.
3) I've called three different air conditioner repair services and two of them have not called me back. The third one did and scheduled an appointment last Thursday that they didn't show up for, didn't even have the courtesy to call and cancel or reschedule. It's the rudeness of not following up that bothers me more than the nagging humidity in my home.
I might not be on this blog much this month because National Novel Writing Month is back and I really really really need to focus on that.
Also, I'm a little pissed at Virginia voters right now and writing that whole state out of my will, WTF Virginia anything Youngkin (sp?) does to screw up your state is going to be on you now.
Also also, I really think Joe Manchin is officially more evil than Mitch McConnell right now because he keeps cutting at his own party's attempts to improve American lives for no other reason than to be an asshole to everybody making less than $77,000 a year.
Also also also, the Qanon nutjobs not only believe now that JFK Jr. is still alive and well and supporting trump but also that John-John's dad JFK (you know, the guy with a fcking rifle shot hole in his fcking head since Nov. 22 1963) faked his public assassination and was set to return this past weekend to publicly support trump for 2024 as well. Never mind the fact that EVERYONE'S SEEN THE ZAPRUDER FILM DOCUMENTING JFK'S GAPING HEAD WOUND, if Jack was still alive he'd be 107 YEARS OLD, which is kind of very very very very very fcking rare to see in a dead guy.
/headdesk
Some Novembers, the shit in the real world can't compete with the sci-fi fantasy stuff I try to write.
Well, okay, I'm kind of indulging here but:
If I'm going to start a podcast, what would be a good name for it?
— Witty Librarian In a Mask (@PaulWartenberg) August 20, 2021
I'm actually working on a library project, the city Parks and Recreation department was keen on starting up recording studios at some of the Rec centers to get the kids interested in music/podcast recordings. As the library is now partnered with them through Leisure Services, we were tasked with getting some of the resources pulled together and some training done so we could help when called upon.
While the pandemic kind of stalled that idea, it's still one I'm expecting we'll follow through if/when the pandemic clears up.
So I've done some of the things to get a podcast going - microphone, free app Audacity software to record, stuff like that - and now it's a question of writing up a script, getting it recorded, figuring out the editing, and posting it online with a podcast provider - Apple apparently is huge, Spotify might be another - in time to see if I've got it right and can teach a class on it.
So, it seems Book With the Blue Cover is the winner of the poll (I'm a bit disappointed the more poetic Always Sober Never Sane didn't win over the votes), now it's a question of making sure it wasn't trademarked yet. With a title like that, I may be forced to stick to library-related topics although the urge to rant about politics will overtake me. We'll see...
I'll update as needed. I'm busy until then.
MANY THANKS to the editors Sarah and Gwen for choosing a line from "War of the Murder Hornets" story as the quote blurb to help sell the anthology!
"Just want to let you know, so far we’ve got two of the drafted volunteers reporting sick to the base doctor with severe cases of Aw Hell Naw."
-- Paul Wartenberg, "War of the Murder Hornets"
Squeeeee!!!
PLEASE do get a copy, the stories from this series are worth the read, and PLEASE leave a good review for us, I do hope you enjoy our twisted tales.
Given my situation working in public, and considering my health - I have a couple of factors that would make COVID-19 lethal to me - when the opportunity to get the vaccine for the coronavirus here in Florida came up this week (when DeSantis dropped the age requirement from 60 to 50) I took it.
I got a relatively quick appointment set up for Wednesday, left work for an hour, got the first round of the Moderna vaccine - the only one available at that Publix store - and tweeted the results:
Two minutes after the first shot, I am feeling a slight metallic taste on the edge of my tongue. #vaccine #firstshot pic.twitter.com/AQjfm3f7rt
— Witty Librarian In a Mask (@PaulWartenberg) March 24, 2021
Apparently, that metallic taste on my tongue - just on the right side, and it was temporary it went away after I had dinner later that night - sent up a flag because earlier today I got a message from an NBC News reporter who wanted to ask me questions about it.
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| It is a common regret on social media that the vaccine is not working like radioactive spider bites or something similar... |
In addition to arm soreness and a little malaise, some people are reporting an unusual side effect following their Covid-19 vaccinations: an intense metallic taste that can last for days.
The experience is "like having nickels in your mouth," said John Howard, 45, of Columbia, South Carolina. The sensation came on within minutes of receiving his first dose of the Pfizer Covid-19 vaccination this past week. He tried to get rid of it with coffee, then mouthwash. Twenty-four hours later, the metal taste remained...
He is not alone. Dave Bischel, 52, of Sacramento, California, said he tasted something that reminded him of nickels after both of his Pfizer shots. The metallic taste went away after a few days.
And Paul Wartenberg, 50, of Mulberry, Florida, said he tasted metal for several hours after his Moderna injection. It disappeared after eating dinner...
(I had asked for the report to not include my photo from Twitter, although it seems hypocritical of me to post that tweet here.)
While rare, developing a metallic taste after a vaccination is not unheard of; in fact, it's a side effect that's been documented with other vaccines, antibiotics and pain medicines.
"We've seen a few individuals with unusual taste after vaccines, commonly a metallic taste that lasts for several days," said Dr. Buddy Creech, an infectious disease expert and the director of the Vanderbilt Vaccine Research Program at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee...
"Metallic taste is interesting, because we really don't know the biological basis for it," Nancy Rawson, vice president of the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia, said. "There is no metallic taste receptor..."
Apparently there is. Or at least our memories of having put metal things in our mouths - hello, childhood between birth and 5 years uh 10 years hold on let's be honest 35 years old - lets our tongues think we know what metal tastes like. It could be the taste buds that would respond to things that are salty or acidic would retranslate to "that weird toy you put in your mouth in kindergarten that hopefully wasn't lead." Then again, we put metal eating utensils like spoons and forks in our mouths all the time, that could be the taste our memories are harking back to...
It certainly didn't taste like that playing marble I accidentally swallowed back when I was five (it hasn't shown up in any MRIs since), that's all I can tell you.
In the meantime, my second shot is scheduled for late April (the Modern shot has a 30-day waiting for the live, very serious shot). I will see you then.
