It's Cinco De Mayo 2022 and Where the HELL Are My Taco Trucks???

You know, we're two years in to Joe Biden's legitimately won Presidency, and it's May 5th which makes it CINCO DE MAYO, and yet I am utterly pissed off right now.

I mean, in 2016 the trumpian assholes declared that if Hillary would win the election, there would be and I quote "TACO TRUCKS ON EVERY CORNER." And this was a good idea, this was tempting, and goddammit not enough of us voted for Hillary to make it happen.

What I said back then:

Just think of the economic benefits of having taco trucks on every corner! No, this is serious! Food truck service is actually a smart investment in the right markets!

Hell, give me the seed money right now! Lemme go start my own taco truck service!

But now we got Democrat Joe Biden in charge, and yet we're STILL WAITING ON THOSE TACO TRUCKS!!!

Where's the funding, Joe? WHERE'S THE SBA GRANTS FOR TACO TRUCKS?!

How the HELL are we going to be able to effectively celebrate General Zaragoza's incredible victory over invading French forces at the Battle of Puebla? We need those taco trucks, we need the beer license to sell Mexican brands! 

WHAT THE HELL, JOE! 

JUST SIMPLE TACO TRUCKS, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

/cries

When Cinco De Mayo is on a Taco Tuesday, With Revenge of the Sith On Our Minds

#CincoAtHome, America. General Zaragoza didn't fight off the French at the Battle of Puebla so that you all get sick with COVID-19 today.

If you wanna honor the Sith as they take their Revenge, do your part to pre-order from your local TACO TRUCK AT EVERY CORNER and pick up curbside service to avoid spreading the coronavirus.

To help, the LA Times has Five suggestions to do Cinco right.

These are easy things to do, America. Sith Responsibly.

Cinco De Mayo 2017

To be fair, there's not much to celebrate this year.

Having that anti-immigrant Hater in the White House is enough to put a dour mood on any celebration.

...

What the hell, let's do this!

Mama Wartenberg's Traditional Tasty Taco Truck

"If you don't do something about it, you're gonna have taco trucks on every corner!" - "Latinos for Trump" co-founder Marco Gutierrez on MSNBC 9/1/2016

THIS MIGHT WORK.

"Everybody gets a taco truck!" - Oliver Willis

Just think of the economic benefits of having taco trucks on every corner! No, this is serious! Food truck service is actually a smart investment in the right markets!

Hell, give me the seed money right now! Lemme go start my own taco truck service!

And all I gotta do is use Mama Wartenberg's excellent Mexican-German recipes to serve up the BEST TACOS IN CENTRAL FLORIDA!

Take the finest taco tortilla shells made from pure Iowa corn.

Grill the pulled pork doused in peppers and the family chili sauce.

Layer it with lettuce onion tomato and the finest Cheddar and Monterey Jack cheeses.

Topped with the purest sour cream shipped from the farms of Bavaria.

We can sell three tacos for $5.99 plus drink!

Who wants in on this franchise, baby!

TACOS FOR EVERYONE!

P.S. be wary of any Trump Taco Trucks in your neighborhood. They won't serve the best tacos, not ever.