A Handy Guide To Light Switches

I dunno what is more troubling in the New York Times report about the first two weeks of the Trump administration:

• That the West Wing is horrifically understaffed,
• That there are few people in a position of authority who know what they are doing,
• That Trump himself is complacently out-of-touch with his own people,
• That the staffers who are there have no idea what a light switch looks like.

This blog article will focus on the last part, because it's the one that is in most dire need of attention.

BECAUSE HOW THE HELL CAN YOU NOT IDENTIFY A LIGHT SWITCH?

So, a quick perusal of the Google Search Engine brings up a link to Home Depot (tm)'s handy Buying Guide for Switches AND Dimmers (in case you want to set a mood):

This, believe it or not, is a light switch.

It has two options: Up or Down. Usually one setting will have it UP to turn on, but sometimes it will be the other way. You should be able to test this function within 3.4 seconds upon entering a darkened room.

Sometimes, there are MULTIPLE switches in a room. Each of them controls the UP or DOWN, so you will have to perform a combination of switch maneuvers to see what works. The best way is to keep one switch UP in what should be the Lights On setting, and then check the Second Switch with a series of Ups and Downs to see if that works. If not, go BACK to the First switch and turn it DOWN, then return to the Second switch and try the Ups and Downs again to see if that turns on the lights.

If the lights are NOT coming on at all, YOU SHOULD GET A LADDER DURING DAYLIGHT HOURS WITH AN OPEN WINDOW FOR NATURAL LIGHTING - or else bring a flashlight - AND CHANGE OUT THE DAMN BULBS.

Q: how many Trump employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A: do we really wanna know that answer?

Now, back to the matter at hand.

You MAY run into this newfangled technology called DIMMERS. In which case you will have a set of Knobs and Sliding bars that can turn On and then adjust the brightness of the lights to your needs.

Some Knob Dimmers will require you to Push in first to turn ON the light function, and then turn the knob CLOCKWISE to brighten the room.

The Slider Dimmers may have a Press ON button to turn ON the light function, and then slide UP to brighten the room.

If the room at the White House has absolutely NO light fixtures to turn ON or OFF, you may be in a damn broom closet.

If you are still having some difficulty figuring out where the light fixtures are, one simple rule is that the light switch is CLOSEST TO THE FREAKING DOOR YOU USE TO GO IN AND OUT OF THE DAMN ROOM.

If you are still having difficulty operating light switches and/or dimmers in any capacity, we encourage you to resign your post at the Trump White House and go back to Kindergarten because FOR CRYING OUT THIS IS SOMETHING WE LEARNED WATCHING SESAME STREET WHEN WE WERE FREAKING THREE YEARS OLD!

P.S. There may be some books at your local library on light switches that may help.

P.S.S. If this is Trump's Best and Brightest on display here, we're f-cked.

Planning Ahead To Attend A Convention: A Quick Guide

These are some of the rules I've put together over the many years of heading out to ALA conventions and the weekend geek cons.  MegaCon '14 is this weekend...

First rule: make sure you got the tickets to go.
Purchasing advance tickets is sometimes cheaper, and helps you start planning ahead

Second rule: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE TICKETS ON YOU WHEN YOU GO.
Last thing you need is to fly out to San Diego for the ALA Midwinter and find out your hotel pass is back on your dresser.

Third rule: If you're planning on staying at a hotel for a weekend, pack enough clothes to last you a week.
Expect the unexpected, such as running out of underwear.  Happened to me one convention trip and spent a morning looking for a men's wear shop in downtown Chicago on a Sunday (almost nothing is open in the downtown area on a Sunday).

Forth rule: It wouldn't hurt to get a map of the place you're going to.  Especially to figure out where parking is, where food is, where bathroom is.
Very important.

Fifth rule: Don't exactly overpack (except for the UNDERWEAR).  If you're traveling, travel as light as possible.
Do plan on where you'll stash your dirty clothes on the trip back, as well as souvenirs.

Sixth rule: Toothbrush.  Bring a toothbrush.
And toothpaste.  Remember what I said about how hard it is finding a shop when you get to where you're going...

Seventh rule: If you're just going for a day, backpack for carrying stuff will do.
Toothbrush is optional.
Extra underwear isn't.

Eighth rule: if it's a comic-con or geek festival of some kind, there's nothing wrong with cosplay.
Costuming up is fun, and helps you mingle with the crowd a little bit.  Just remember: there will be kids, and very angry parents, and very violent security guards.  Dress conservatively.  If it's a professional convention, dressing up as a Jedi or Queen Elsa isn't going to go over too well... so REALLY dress conservatively for that.

Ninth rule: Take enough money with you to pay with cash all the toys and trinkets and autographed memorabilia you're bound to collect.

Tenth rule: Rest often.
There's enough walking and running and standing around at every kind of con I've been to.  Professional, geeky, personal, public, private... EVERY convention is at a big hall, with distant parking lots and hotels, and waiting for shuttle buses, and waiting for food, and waiting for events, etc.  Think of attending a convention akin to attending an endurance race, at least a 5K mini-thon or something.  And comic book conventions are packed, shoulder-to-shoulder sometimes.  I came back from one convention with a successful weight loss of 9 lbs., I think it was the ALA Chicago one back in 2000.  I only lost 4 lbs at the last MegaCon though...

I promise I will survive MegaCon and bring back pictures.

I promise.