Showing posts with label io saturnalia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label io saturnalia. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 10, 2025

"Like a Thoughtless Child, Just Wandering by a Garden Yanking Leaves Along the Way..."

We not only live in the Darkest Timeline, also we live in the DUMBEST Timeline.

"Third Place" Marco Rubio just declared war on typography (via Humeyra Pamuk at Reuters):

U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio on Tuesday ordered diplomats to return to using Times New Roman font in official communications, calling his predecessor Antony Blinken's decision to adopt Calibri a "wasteful" diversity move, according to an internal department cable seen by Reuters.

What the... The default font in Microsoft Word is WOKE?

The department under Blinken in early January 2023 had switched to Calibri, a modern sans-serif font, saying this was a more accessible font for people with disabilities because it did not have the decorative angular features and was the default in Microsoft products.

Anything positive for disabled people apparently triggers the Far Right...

Some studies suggest that sans-serif fonts, such as Calibri, are easier to read for those with certain visual disabilities.

Trump, a Republican, moved quickly after taking office in January to eradicate federal DEI programs and discourage them in the private sector and education, including by directing the firing of diversity officers at federal agencies and pulling grant funding for a wide range of programs.

DEI policies became more widespread after nationwide protests in 2020 against police killings of unarmed Black people, spurring a conservative backlash. Trump and other critics of diversity initiatives say they are discriminatory against white people and men and have eroded merit-based decision making.

All of the things that should matter in these dark times - ending Russia's invasion of Ukraine, ending Israel's devastation of both Gaza and the West Bank, stopping the war in Sudan, pulling back on trump's hostility towards Venezuela and most of Central/South America - Rubio is going after font usage because certain fonts offends the Far Right Male sensibilities.

I swear, I've seen this before in a Saturday Night Live skit:


You can just picture poor Marco suffering the way Ryan Gosling did:

Yeah. He just highlighted Avatar, he clicked the drop down menu and then he randomly selected Papyrus. Like a thoughtless child, just wandering by a garden yanking leaves along the way...

He just got away with it. This man, this professional graphic designer. Was it laziness? Was it cruelty...?

And now, here I am doing what I vowed to never do again, sitting outside his house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him to see him doing his little things, live his insane little life...

Ryan: Do you remember the Avatar logo?

Heidi: Um, yeah. It was tribal, yet futuristic.

Ryan: Papyrus!!!

(He sees the graphic designer glaring at him through a window)

Ryan: I know what you did! I... KNOW... WHAT... YOU... DID!!!

Seriously, if the Alpha Male Wannabes in the trump inner circle are obsessed with manliness, they should have gone with Trajan, a more accurate Roman based font.


Just one more thing that makes us THINK ABOUT ROME!!!


I can finally say Io Saturnalia, peeps!


Monday, December 04, 2023

It's Saturnalia Time 2023 Edition!

Ah yes, the Roman winter festival where people drink wine, wear funny hats, deck the halls with greenery, exchange presents, and talk in Latin!

...which kind of describes a Christmas pot luck gathering at the nearby Catholic Church. Hmm.

This year in particular feels a lot like Saturnalia, thanks to all the current social media buzz about how American males think daily about The Glory That Was Rome. There's even a decent Saturday Night Live clip dedicated to it now:


So now I want my Saturnalia musical, you mongrel sons of Visigoths!

...

Gods, my Latin's so rusty, how do you say "mongrel sons of Visigoths" in Latin?



Friday, September 22, 2023

Roma Invicta

Apparently it's a guy thing. Maybe it's a Euro-White Caucasian thing because I don't know how many Asian and Latino and Black guys think it, but apparently at least here in the United States a lot of men admit to thinking often about Ancient Rome.

It seems this matter came to the fore a few weeks back when women on Tik Tok and Instagram began quizzing their husbands and boyfriends how often they think about the Glory That Was Rome. It became unavoidable on social media where men began openly confessing - or bragging - that yeah Caesar and sea-proof concrete and movies about gladiators are oft on their minds.


The pontificating came later, like this from Caroline Mimbs Nyce in the Atlantic

All roads lead to Rome—and apparently so do all male thoughts. Across social media, women have been encouraged to ask the men in their life how often they think about the Roman empire and to record the answer. To their surprise (recounted in videos posted all over TikTok, Instagram, and more), many men purport to think about the Roman empire quite a bit. One reveals that his iPhone background is Jacques-Louis David’s Oath of the Horatii, a painting depicting a Roman legend. “Men Are Thinking About the Roman Empire All the Time” has quickly become a meme of its own. Even those who don’t cop to this behavior still sometimes do it. “Probably not a lot, why?” one confused man replies when asked, before admitting that he thinks about the Romans three or four times a month. “The Roman empire was a very big part of history,” he says defensively.

Presumably some of this is performative, an attempt to project oneself as the sort of history bro who can mansplain Catullus. These men could surely learn something from Cullen Murphy. An Atlantic editor at large and the author of the 2007 book Are We Rome?, Murphy has spent decades thinking about the Roman empire. His work focuses on all of the analogies between ancient Rome and the modern United States, and what, if anything, the analogies portend. “The comparisons, of course, can be facile,” he wrote in a 2021 magazine story reopening the question. “Still, I am not immune to preoccupation with the Roman past.”

Murphy's interview has a few interesting tidbits:

Nyce: What do you think the appropriate amount of time one should spend thinking about Rome is?

Murphy: Well …

Nyce: Are you a biased source on this question?

Murphy: Yes, I’m probably not a good person to ask. Personally, I can’t get enough of it. It’s just such a fascinating topic. One of the great things about having a bit of a fixation on this topic is that it makes me very easy to buy for...

Nyce: Are you surprised by how many men purport to think about the Roman empire all the time?

Murphy: I am a little bit surprised. I’m not surprised that men are more likely to think about it than women, if that reporting is true.

Over time, this subject has been presented as gendered, though it is not inherently gendered. A lot of the best recent work about Rome has to do with diverse cultures and about women. But if you look at the broad sweep of historical writing, from ancient times onwards, most of it was done by men. Most of it is about men. And much of the subject matter is about military affairs, which has also historically been something that men have gravitated to more than women...

There are in truth a number of women who also think about Rome as much as the men, but it seems as though the cultural and historical norms of that ancient civilization - the militarization, the obsession with personal honor, the ability to party in togas - retain great appeal for men across the social spectrum. As Sarah Bond and Stephanie Wong note at MSNBC:

“Men, to our core, I think are warriors,” some guy called Adam Woolard once stated to his betrothed on video. As it turns out, his fiancĂ©e is former “Bachelorette” star Hannah Brown, who has 1.2 million followers on TikTok. In his next breath, he then claimed that the Roman Empire was all about being ready for battle — as are modern men. But is the measure of a man really based on ancient Rome...?

Rome has a long history that served particularly aggressive men, and in the late Republic there were little to no consequences for public discussion of imperialism, colonialism and misogyny. Imperialism was rewarded with triumphal processions, and ancient literature written for elite audiences celebrated expansion and subjugation. Caesar paid the price for longing for a monarchy, not for committing genocide in Gaul. Roman “freedom” of speech was extended especially to free men who served as heads of their family (a status called the pater familias). The patriarchy was legally codified and came with the power to punish children, wives and enslaved persons who stepped out of line in the household. It is this inherent male power, combined with distorted pop culture portrayals of Rome in television and film, that have conjured a new nostalgia culture for a Rome that never truly existed for 99% of the populace...

A white man who dreams of grisly showdowns on the battlefield might believe that, in some lifetime 2,000 years ago, he would have been born into a noble family somewhere in the Roman Empire. He would have had a British accent. It would have been possible to rise through the ranks to become a despotic war hero, earning his name-check in the annals of history. Perhaps he would even be part of an inbred political dynasty and take on the mantle of his warlord father, destroying barbaric legions and marrying his first cousin in order to further the family line. After a day of slaughter, he would decamp to his swanky villa on a Capri-like coast, where he would get sloshed on natural wines and engage in unspeakable — but very debauched — sex acts. Then he would wake up the next day and do it all over again. 

But humor us historians, and let’s talk statistics. In all likelihood, he would have come from much humbler origins. Around 1 in 4 people in Roman Italy during the Roman imperial period was enslaved. Most others, if they were free, were rural peasants, artisans or people manumitted from slavery. Harsh climates, ambient warfare and decimating plagues dictated the life of many, which is possibly the furthest thing from a cinematically sexy storyline that ends in a blaze of blood, guts and glory...

It can well be that the male obsession over Rome is to fantasize about the power and patriarchy that Rome as both Republic and Empire came to represent through our studies of history. That a number of men admit to such thoughts could seem a dark sign about how we handle gender roles in our modern society.

The thoughts about how things were back in Roman times echo the fantasies men have about being superheroes, or athletic savants, or artistic geniuses, or badasses of any manly code, or anything other than an office manager or work drone in the real world.

We should note that American history, our American culture as defined by the Euro immigrants (conquerors), our political and social constructs owe a lot to what our constitutional Founders wanted to base a national identity upon. The basic principles of checks and balances between the three branches of federal government - and then the balances between the federal and the states - hark back to how the Romans set up their bureaucracy between the Senate (hereditary), the Consuls (no singular king), the elected assemblies (freedmen only could vote), and the various offices like the Tribunes that could hold the powers of the others in check. It mostly worked until internal and external crises led to the rise of dictators and imperators (what we would call Emperors). The historical mirror of our current crises - the rise of a would-be dictator in trump - has been noted already by pundits and historians.

Rome's influence on modern Western civilization is unescapable. It reaches through the European languages - French, Spanish, even some Germanic and Slavic, and especially English - that came to American shores. Art and music, theater and literature, what's popular culture today all have ties in some ways to what became popular in Rome. The American love of sports? Chariot races (the Nika Riots almost destroyed the Roman Byzantium Empire). The American love of toga parties? That would be obvious.

As an American Eurowhite Male, I cannot hide from this question. Yes. Yes, I do think often - not that I count the times - about Ancient Rome and its modern influences. Part of it can't be helped because I studied Latin in high school and college (Alas, my language skills have faded over time: I can barely translate the written word anymore). Part of it can't be helped because I studied European history, and Rome was kind of unavoidable as a topic. Part of it can't be helped because my political diatribes here on this very blog often require me to think of the republican model of checks and balances I hope to see regain value in our government currently torn apart by partisan misrule.

Any regular reader of this blog can note the near-annual remembrances of the Ides of March and my personal advocacy versus the Far Right's War On Saturnalia.



I'm not really kidding, people.

I would like to think my thoughts about Rome are benign, that I focus on the positive aspects of what Roman civilization brought to human history. I am aware of the dangers of patriarchy, slavery, and military violence that were built into that ancient fallen empire: I speak to the hope that the American venture into republicanism evolved over the decades by ending slavery and empowering citizenship to women as political and cultural equals. Yeah I know, the letter of the law is there but the spirit of it? Still working on it. Our nation's militarism, the cultural obsession with manhood, the racism ingrained into our system, and the ongoing mistreatment of women are serious issues. But our American republic - I hope - is aware of these problems and working on solutions, as opposed to how Rome handled it by devolving into Empire and perpetuating the decay a few more centuries until it collapsed on itself.

Just as long as we American men (and women) who vote understand that the would-be Caesars offering themselves to lead us - the likes of donald trump and his Far Right sycophants - are nothing like the Romans of old. trump is no Augustus who moderated his own wants and built a city of marble that stood for centuries: trump is more Nero, spoiled and destructive, who fiddled while Rome burned.

Think to the Rome that gave us wine, the engineering feats of the aqueducts, the exile of kings, Cincinnatus, and the paved roads that connected a world (the roads go without saying!). Think of what Monty Python - the descendants of Roman-occupied Britons - pointed out what the Romans ever done for us. (bloody 'ell, I can't embed YouTube videos at the moment)

"Brought peace?"

"Peace? SHUT IT!"

And IO SATURNALIA.

Saturday, December 18, 2021

All I Want for Saturnalia 2021

'Tis the season for wishes and hopes as the winter solstice brings 2021 to a close.

And I look out upon this world with all this going on:

And I just wanna wish the Roman God Saturn for a simple little thing:

SANITY. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, SOME GODDAMNED SANITY FOR THIS FCKING COUNTRY AND THE WORLD.

I wanna wish for a safe and safe Saturnalia to come true just for once, can't we all agree to that, someday...? 


Sunday, December 20, 2020

As 2020 Draws to A Close, We Contemplate Our Year of Madness

Just needed to wrap up this year as drunkenly as possible:


By the way, Julie from 2020, there's still 10 days left before the year officially ends. ANYTHING could happen in those days, this year should have taught us that for God's sake. (I should blog about that monolith thingee as a year's end wrap-up)

As for getting drunk, you might recall I tried doing that with hard cider a few years ago. I did not enjoy the taste of it, and had stayed sober since. This year brought back that urge to get drunk because DAMMIT WE ALL NEEDED TO AFTER THIS 2020 so I considered the possibility the cider I had gotten was too spicy with cinnamon. So I went and got a standard cider, no extra flavoring, just straight from the bottle...

And I still hated the taste of it. Ugh. I couldn't finish it, poured it down the kitchen sink. I got five bottles of it now sitting in my fridge looking for a new home. I'm sure someone can quarantine the bottles for 5-14 days before finishing them off, if anyone's interested... 

Thursday, December 17, 2020

Io Saturnalia for 2020, And Not a Moment Too Soon

Tonight is December 17 and the official start to Saturnalia, as always an excuse to ask Mithras for presents and avoid the Krampus like the plague. Or have I gotten holiday traditions mixed up again?

Anywho, for a brief moment I would like to thank the planet Saturn for agreeing to meet with Jupiter to form a Great Conjunction in the night sky for December 21, here's hoping it doesn't cause any prophesied dooms on Earth, 'cause you know how the fake preachers around here like to grift their flocks whenever freaky sky stuff happens.

And if I can pass along to the Gift-Givers of the Solstice, I'm personally okay this year so I would instead ask the Powers That Be to make sure every trump-worshiping asshole refusing to wear masks in public all catch COVID-19 like they deserve and to keep every honest decent American wearing masks and trying to survive these last two months of trumpian bullshit safe from the pandemic. Gratias vobis ago.

And with that, a Saturnalia YouTube is in order!



Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Tis The Season 2019

Just saying IO SATURNALIA and that hopefully I'll be posting some thoughts on stuff soon.

It's been a hectic week and the need to nap on Christmas morning all too powerful...

Monday, December 16, 2019

All I Want for Saturnalia 2019

An honest-to-Saturn Impeachment process that forces an obstructionist Republican Senate to sincerely consider the reasons to remove donald trump from the Oval Office for the common good of the United States of America.

Well, that and a winning Mega Millions or Powerball lotto ticket.

Help a Unitarian out, Minerva, I may not be a citizen of Rome but I am a citizen of a federal republic modeled on the Roman system of checks and balances.

Monday, December 17, 2018

IO SATURNALIA 2018

It's December 17th! It's the OFFICIAL ROMAN HOLIDAY OF WINTER SOLSTICE IN HONOR OF SATURN, GOD OF TIME AND PLANET RINGS!

Break out the wine!

Gamble with dice!

Wear ALL the funky hats!!!


Wednesday, December 12, 2018

You'll Shoot Your Io Out, Kid. It's SATURNALIA TIME

Okay, for those who are wondering how you say "IO SATURNALIA" the secret is to say the "I" in Latin like it's a hybrid of the English "J" and "Y". Sorta between the JO and the YO.

So for this season of Latin gambling and drunkenness, I call upon the Roman god Saturn and say unto him "YO BRO GIVE ME SOME NALIA!"

...

Okay, I might be losing it this year. But I do have a wish list and it pretty much goes like this, O Ringed God One:

1) Mueller indicts the whole damn trump criminal empire from the Shitgibbon himself down to the lowest-ranking Russian spy at the NRA.

2) Look, I know there are arguments about sitting Presidents and whether they can be charged/indicted while still in office, but a lot of the deferring relies on the belief that a functioning Congress would actively impeach such a crook in office so that the legal system wouldn't have to get into the political pitfalls. Problem is, THIS CONGRESS IS NOT FUNCTIONING. The Republicans in the Senate will NEVER follow through on any impeachment the Democratic-controlled House may file, meaning trump gets to sit in the Oval Office eagerly committing more crimes on a daily basis (for the Love of GOD every minute he is in office trump is violating the Emoluments Clause!) and maybe even cheat his way into a SECOND TERM OF CROOKED SH-T.

There's also a serious concern about Statute of Limitations: the fraud charges trump currently faces have a time limit to where they expire the year after this one term ends (2021). If trump were to steal (there is no GODDAMN way he wins a legitimate election in 2020) a second term, those charges may well evaporate.

I SAY CHARGE HIM NOW. No man should be above the law.

3) Totally hoping that Saturn pushes a little harder on the NRA's current fiscal woes to where they DO file for bankruptcy. Just desserts for a group that actively teamed up with a con artist in trump and with foreign crooks like the Russians.

4) A paid two-week vacation to Hawaii would be nice. Maybe Mercury can line up some speedy transportation.

5) WHAT PART OF SENDING trump AND HIS CON ARTIST EMPIRE TO JAIL DO YOU NOT GET, SATURN?!


AAAAAAAHHHH IT'S ATTACKING US!!!

Wednesday, December 05, 2018

Getting Ready for the 2018 Saturnalia Season

I've been thinking about making a Saturnalia logo or artwork to make my own Saturnalia stuff - Hallmark DOES NOT respect the holidays like this - so I went and made this:


Thing is, it just... sits there. Kinda underwhelming.

I think I need to add more wine and gambling imagery.

Anyway, I got a little shop up on CafePress to see about getting myself greeting cards printed up.

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

All I Want for Saturnalia Is for Sanity And Goddamn Common Sense to Return

Tis the season to be drinking more hard cider to chase away the blues.

By the by, my twin brother recommends Redds over Angry Orchard.

This has been a year of madness and despair, against which only the slimmest slivers of hope have endured.

But we're getting to the edge of the cliff where everything and everyone goes over.

Congress is dead set on passing a deficit-heavy tax cut for the rich doomed to wipe out the social safety net and cause the same economic mess we had in the mid-2000s.

Republicans are about to elect a publicly confirmed sexual predator for US Senator from Alabama, lying to themselves about Moore's "spiritual pureness" all because they cannot abide a Democrat winning at all.

And trump. Gods help us. trump.

If it's not selling the whole nation out to Russia, it's his open racism and hostility towards diplomacy along with his immeasurable incompetency about to condemn the entire world to war.

His current push to formally recognize Jerusalem as the Israeli capitol and moving the US Embassy there would spark hostile reaction across the entire Muslim community of the Middle East, Africa, Europe, and North America. It would seem the ultimate provocation against any peaceful solution to a problem that has vexed humanity for 2000 years.

Street protests by Palestinians would be the LEAST of our worries. Terror groups would use the move to rally more recruits. Allied nations like Turkey and Egypt and Jordan and even Saudi Arabia would cut off diplomatic relations or undermine all other US interests in their regions.

And I wouldn't doubt trump WANTS this. The Shitgibbon WANTS a war to prove his mettle as President Loser of the Popular Vote (and use the war powers of a Presidency to impose some twisted forms of martial law to make him Dictator). And getting the Muslims to react in violence would fit his Narrative.

This is supposed to be a time of Christian peace and goodwill. Instead we are roiling against evangelical hypocrisy, and un-Christian hatred and greed.

If ever we needed to return to the Pagan ways of Saturnalia - where you got drunk and gambled dice - now is the time.

Friday, December 23, 2016

A Saturnalian Wish List for the Darkest Year Yet: Damn You 2016

This is indeed a disturbing universe. - Maggie Simpson

Facing once again the nightmare of insufferable Christianist bullies who won't give heathens the right to celebrate Saturnalia as the Romans intended, it's left to me to try and plead to the Powers That Be to grant me these boons and set right what once went wrong...

1) I pray to Saturn, Time Lord with a Blue Box, that the incoming train wreck that is the Trump Administration doesn't f-cking blow up the planet any time soon, or ever for that matter.

2) I pray to the Old Gods and the New, that the incoming train wreck that is the Trump Administration only causes damage to their own, to the 62 million morons to willingly voted for a goddamn racist sexist con artist of a candidate all because he stirred up their unjustified fears and unwarranted outrage. If there is ANY moral justice in this universe - sadly, there isn't - the ones who voted for this shitgibbon should be the only ones who pay the price.

3) I pray to the One True Goddess Belldandy that the incoming train wreck that is the Trump Administration is so vile in its treatment of people, so inept in its avoidance of facts, so corrupt in its greed that finally - FINALLY - the Republican Party collapses into its goddamn grave at last, and that EVERYBODY wakes up to the realization that the Randian Utopian Fantasy of the Far Right NEEDS BE avoided for the next ten generations.

...

Yeah, I know. We're gonna be stuck with 62 million Trumpshirts dragging the United States back to 1850 and wrecking the entire planet while doing so. And that's the OPTIMISTIC view. Given Trump's insane mindset about nuclear weapons, we could be facing WORSE...

So with that all in mind, here's the last known Saturnalia any of us might celebrate before the Dark Times overwhelm us.

Resist. Find Hope.

IO SATURNALIA.

P.S. It wouldn't hurt, Saturn, if you used your time powers to go back to 1988 and slap some goddamn sense in me about better social skills heading into college...

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

A Sad And Sardonic Saturnalia Season

I blame 62 million Americans who didn't take their fidelity to the Roman Gods as serious as they should have.

You people do realize we're going from a Marcus Aurelius in Obama to a Commodus in Trump.

Thanks a bunch, 62 million Americans.

The pagan god Saturn will doom us all with Saturn-themed punishments, to be signified by giant rings circling your belly until the final fate.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

The War On Saturnalia 2015: A Call To Defend (w/ Update)

Rise up, my fellow Unitarians and high school Latin students! There is a WAR ON SATURNALIA AND I CAN PROVE IT.

You never see Bill O'Reilly get mulsum as a holiday present, do you?! SHAME! Shame, America! WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS.

Confronted with this proof, we should file a protest with the Civil Rights office in DC and get Obama himself to sign off having Saturnalia listed as a national holiday. I'm sure the Republican Party won't object.

On personal notes:

This is the 197th blog post this year, the most so far. I can make it an easy 200 to round it out, so I don't want to over-blog if I want to top the year off there. Thing is, I shouldn't be that OCD about it.

My latest ebook Body Armor Blues was ranked 140th on the Amazon sales list for the Superheroes category... for about 23 minutes. I checked on the sales report for that day. I had two buyers. So if I can get five more by this weekend, I might rocket up to Top Ten.

On political notes:

Dear media elites: Stop trying to make Rubio happen. He's not going to happen.

If I had to, given a particular parlor game, make a choice between Trump, Cruz or Carson for the Presidency, I would choose the parachute for jumping out that particular airplane, Bob.

Ranking the candidates for the Republican nomination is a horrifying prospect: I'd personally put too many of them tied for 16th... out of a race that's been whittled down to 14 12 11 maybe. I kind of agree with how John Scalzi has his list of "terrible to troubling," but I just can't consider even the possibility of having to choose a Republican in 2016.

On comics notes:

Ta-Nehisi Coates is getting totally pumped over his Black Panther series starting up next year. Dude, he's getting Alex Ross to do alternate covers! Dude! I envy him.

And for Saturnalia, here I pray to the Lord of Saturning for my annual wish list of hope, and love, and presents. Ohmmmmmm... Ohhhhhmmmmmmm...

(Update) Well, there's one Saturnalia wish that's come true so far:

The FBI arrested the douchenozzle Pharma CEO who keeps raising the prices of life-saving HIV and cancer medications on security fraud charges. Granted, these are charges stemming from Martin Shkreli's previous hedge fund company: Considering how unrepentant and greedy Shkreli keeps acting in public, he deserves every karmic punishment that the universe can deliver unto him.

IO SATURNALIA.



Monday, December 15, 2014

The Saturnalia Wish List of 2014

'Tis the season to bring back the pagan rituals of our Roman ancestors!  'Tis the moment to slap Bill O'Reilly and the morans of Fox Not-News for their evil WAR ON SATURNALIA by breaking out the mulsum and wrapping the trees with togas!

And it's time to beg Saturn, the pagan God of the Temporal Vortex, to grant us boons in our dark hour of need:

1) Arrest warrants for every goddamn bastard responsible for the Cheney/Bush torture regime.  Especially Dick Cheney, who is out there lying and shilling for his regime of evil.  There is no excuse or justification for torture.  Ever.

2) That Rick "No Ethics" Scott's efforts to ignore the state's public records laws with illegal email accounts lead to felony charges.  PLEASE LET THERE BE FELONY CHARGES...

3) That some goddamn common sense and awareness of their voting base's needs wake up the Democratic leadership to run campaigns for all offices at all levels - federal AND state - and in all districts for 2016.  The pitiful turnout efforts this year sucked rhino.

4) That the movies of 2015 - Age of Ultron, Jurassic World, Fury Road, Tomorrowland, Star Wars VII, and the third Sharknado (maybe) - rock the f-cking house.


Seriously, Lord Saturn, they should have had this Falcon in stores for Christmas THIS YEAR...


Thursday, December 11, 2014

I Just Want Some Sweet Love From A Saturnalia Honey, Is That So Wrong?

I haven't done a Roman-style orgy in ages:

Although knowing my luck I'll probably be the one asked to oversee the vomitorium rooms.

This is why you'll never win, Bill O'Reilly, in your evil War On Saturnalia!  We got hotter Vestal Virgins than you! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Keep the festive in your pagan hearts and IO SATURNALIA!

Monday, December 23, 2013

The Saturnalia Wish List of 2013

One of the ongoing wishes of previous Saturnalias had been for a job, and thank ye Ring-Bringer Parading the Skies, I received one here in Bartow Library yay and yes and woot. :)

But 'tis the season for the asking of presents, and into this I have a wish list for the Anno Domino (or Common Era to all you pagans) of 2013:

1) A wish that 2014 sees the end of Rick "Medicare Fraud" Scott's Reign of Error upon the state of Florida.
2) A wish that 2014 sees the end of the GOP Reign of Fraud from the US Congress as Democratic voters turn out to keep the Senate Democratic and drive out the "Crash Government" Republicans of the House.
3) A wish that I finally get the g-dd-mn motivation to finish the handful of writing I've been working on the last five freaking years!  /headdesk
4) Not so much a wish as it is a even higher motivation to f-cking lose some 30-50 pounds here!  My back can't take much more of this being over 300 lbs... oy

So there you have it, O Saturn.  ...so I guess I gotta leave some honey-wine out tonight to sate your thrist at the house shrine?

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Serious Ways To Celebrate Saturnalia (updates)

While the philistines at the FOX Not-News channel wage their ungodly war on the pagan festivities, it might behoove me to pass along some tips on how to honestly and sincerely celebrate the Roman winter solstice holiday known as Saturnalia.

1) Decorate your home with sun and moon iconography.  Apply garland wreaths where appropriate.

2) Hang out with Vestal Virgins.

2a) (update) In the possibility you cannot locate any Vestal Virgins to hang out with, you have a good excuse now to travel over to Rome, Italy and ask around for one.  Hell, this is a good time for Rome to set up a Vestal temple for the tourists...

3) Decorate all trees on your property.  They don't have to be the traditional triangle-shaped fir trees, any trees will do.  For those of us in Florida, we've been decorating palm trees for years...
image from the Minimalist Sweet Home website
Update: that photo isn't showing anymore!  The link might be broken.  Let's try this one...
from the Jen On The Edge blog

4) Drink Roman-styled wine.  There's a version called mulsum which mixes honey into the wine.  Should be interesting around bears...

5) Give small presents.  Nothing large or ostentatious.  Maybe a set of keys to a new electric-powered car.  ...what?

6) GO TO ANY TEMPLE OF THE GOD SATURN AND LIGHT A CANDLE TO EARN HIS FAVOUR.  If you can't find a temple, trick your local churches into funding a charity that you'll secretly use to build one.  That oughta learn 'em, stealing the winter solstice and all...

7) Gamble.  It's allowed during this festive period.  But do it in legally-approved areas like Hard Rock Casinos on local tribal lands or Las Vegas.

7a) Gamble using other people's money.  See 6) for hints.

8) Sing classical Roman ditties.  If you don't know any classical Roman ditties, sing "Louie Louie" off-key and no-one will notice.

9) Greet everyone by saying "Io Saturnalia!"  Now here's the tricky thing about the Latin language: they didn't have a letter J to represent that phonic in the western tongues, so they doubled it to the letter I.  It's really Jo Saturnalia! being said.  And the Romans pronounced the J not like "jay" but like "yo".  So it should sound like YO SATURNALIA (akin to YO ADRIAN).  But type it IO SATURNALIA.

9a) Do this early and often around Bill O'Reilly until he goes batsh-t insane.

10) Enjoy the holiday season no matter how and why you celebrate it.  If you're Christian, Hebrew, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Zoroastrian, Shinto, Pastafarian, what have you.  THIS IS A TIME TO CELEBRATE, TO REFLECT, TO ENJOY FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO THE UPMOST THAT WE CAN.

This message brought to you by a faction of the Unitarian Jihad.