So, here goes.
To Governor Charles Crist
I understand you currently have a vacancy for the United States Senate. I am very much interested in the position and I am hoping you can give me a fair hearing.
I am currently seeking full-time employment, and I am currently receiving unemployment benefits. Let me put it this way: if I am successful in convincing you to hire me, you will not only fill a vacancy but also lower the unemployment statistics for Florida by one. It's a Win-Win.
I am confident I fulfill the major requirements for the job: I am a long-time resident of Florida since 1977; I am over 30 years of age; and I am a natural born citizen (with a birth certificate and everything!).
As Senator for Florida, I would do everything within the powers of the office:
- to ensure Florida's environmental concerns are addressed;
- to ensure Florida's unemployed are provided for during this difficult economic period, and that the state's employment and business opportunities improve;
to ensure Mel Kiper stops picking on Tim Tebowwell, Tebow can take care of himself, I suppose...
I am aware that the position is temporary, that the seat will receive a fully-elected representative in 2010. However, I still view the time I would have as Senator as a challenge to be met. I also revel in the opportunity to prove my effectiveness as a patriotic citizen, to serve my state and my nation in any way and with whatever time the job provides me.
I hope this letter finds you well. Please let me know if I might have a chance to forward my resume, some personal references, and my mom's apple pie with an eye for a formal job interview with your office at your best convenience.
Thank you, and enjoy the coming Labor Day weekend.
...think it will work?