Sunday, August 09, 2009

Job Vacancy! Florida Seat in the Senate

So I'm driving to a part-time job I have tonight, it's not much and I'm still on unemployment benefits, and somewhere around Keystone Rd. it hits me. Hey, didn't Mel Martinez just resign from his seat as U.S. Senator representing Florida? Maybe I should send in my resume...

So, here goes.

To Governor Charles Crist
Tall Hassle, Xanth Tallahassee, FL

Dear Governor:

I understand you currently have a vacancy for the United States Senate. I am very much interested in the position and I am hoping you can give me a fair hearing.

I am currently seeking full-time employment, and I am currently receiving unemployment benefits. Let me put it this way: if I am successful in convincing you to hire me, you will not only fill a vacancy but also lower the unemployment statistics for Florida by one. It's a Win-Win.

I am confident I fulfill the major requirements for the job: I am a long-time resident of Florida since 1977; I am over 30 years of age; and I am a natural born citizen (with a birth certificate and everything!).

As Senator for Florida, I would do everything within the powers of the office:
  • to ensure Florida's environmental concerns are addressed;
  • to ensure Florida's unemployed are provided for during this difficult economic period, and that the state's employment and business opportunities improve;
  • to ensure Mel Kiper stops picking on Tim Tebow well, Tebow can take care of himself, I suppose...
I do openly admit that I am currently registered as Not Affiliated to any party, and would most likely enter the Senate as an Independent. But look on the bright side: I'm not a Democrat. Besides, it's not like the Republicans would be hurt even more by the lack of seats right now.

I am aware that the position is temporary, that the seat will receive a fully-elected representative in 2010. However, I still view the time I would have as Senator as a challenge to be met. I also revel in the opportunity to prove my effectiveness as a patriotic citizen, to serve my state and my nation in any way and with whatever time the job provides me.

I hope this letter finds you well. Please let me know if I might have a chance to forward my resume, some personal references, and my mom's apple pie with an eye for a formal job interview with your office at your best convenience.

Thank you, and enjoy the coming Labor Day weekend.


...think it will work?

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