Monday, January 04, 2016

The Revolution of 2016 Will Not Be Organized

Who planned this thing?

Reports are coming out now that the armed thugs seizing control of a national park building in Eastern Oregon are sending out Facebook and Twitter requests to fellow "militias" to ship them snacks and cold weather supplies like socks.

Ignoring the irony of having anti-government gunmen call on their allies to use the US postal service to ship them supplies, the sheer ineptitude of mismanagement is on full display here.

It's like, "Hey Blaine, it's cold where's the socks?" "Uhhhhhh, back at the hotel?" "DAMMIT BLAINE YOU HAD ONE JOB."

This is the one thing you never wanna do to a revolution: You NEVER set yourself up for immediate mockery on social media.

I didn't make this: I need to cite the person who did

What was it Eisenhower said about how the military operates? "In preparing for battle, I have always found that plans are useless but planning is indispensable." That means the plan you have to attack can fall apart when the operation goes live - your enemies respond in ways you didn't expect, or external forces and accidents interrupt key steps - but if you think ahead on your supplies and support and contingencies (the planning) you can survive the confusing fog of war and win the battle.

There's a reason why the best armies throughout history are the best-supplied ones.

When the US armed forces go out into war, you're damn well certain we are going with enough socks to last the winter.

Bill Mauldin

If you revolutionary wannabes were serious about this "protest" to seize a federal building in a seditious act, you'd have planned it out better. For starters, NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER WHEN IT'S FREAKING COLD IN THE MOUNTAINS FOR GOD'S SAKE.

It's like they'll want to blitz the Russian steppes next February for sh-ts and giggles.

Here's the deal, you militia morans, you Y'allQaeda insurgents, next time someone offers to organize an armed uprising somewhere, you should ask that person three things:

1) Will there be drinks and Doritos?
2) Will there be pleasant distractions such as a month's supply of DVDs of our favorite shows?
3) Do we need to pack extra underwear and wool socks for, oh I dunno, FREAKING WINTER WEATHER?
4) Will you actually plan this sh-t out? Wait, this is four. FOUR Questions you need to be asking, plus if there's working bathroom facilities on the premises and... FIVE... FIVE QUESTIONS that needs be asked, plus whether or not we need to bring our own trash bags to pick up after ourselves and... ah dammit.

Woodstock 1969 was better organized than this. I'm not saying that in a good way.

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