Short Description of Mueller's Public Speech

Best interpretation of Robert Mueller's public appearance today to explain his closing down/resigning from the Special Prosecutor's office (there's a ton of opinion pieces out there but for now the Daily Beast link to Olivia Messer will suffice):

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, AMERICA, READ THE GODDAMN REPORT. I SPENT ONE WHOLE SECTION EXPLAINING HOW RUSSIA INTERFERED IN THE ELECTIONS, AND THE SECOND SECTION I SPELLED OUT LIKE FIVE SPECIFIC PLACES WHERE TRUMP COMMITTED OBSTRUCTION, AND EVERYBODY'S TAKING BARR'S WORD THAT TRUMP IS "EXONERATED"? WILL YOU GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND CALL CONGRESS TO START IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO, PEOPLE, THE GODDAMN DOJ IS RIGGED TO BLOCK EVERYBODY BUT CONGRESS TO STOP A CROOKED PRESIDENT. OKAY, PELOSI? STOP WAFFLING AND START CHARGING TRUMP'S LACKEYS FOR LYING TO CONGRESS AT LEAST, HOLD THEM IN CONTEMPT LIKE THEY DID IN THE OLD DAYS, GODDAMMIT. I MAY BE A DECORATED MARINE BUT I CAN'T SAVE THE WHOLE GODDAMN PLANET, THAT'S YOUR JOB. AND WILL YOU START BITCH-SLAPPING MITCH MCCONNELL UNTIL HE AGREES TO PASS LAWS TO STOP THE RUSSIANS FROM HACKING US AGAIN! CHRIST, I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!

Well, at least, that's how *I* heard it.