A Librarian-Writer-Jedi-Pirate-Wannabe Looks Back at 50

Sigh.

I remember I first wanted to become a writer when I was still in single digits, around maybe 8 or 9 years old, trying to write stories and slowly learning the mechanics of plot, character development, and the need for white-out goo while using an old-style typewriter.

I remember wanting to be a Jedi from A New Hope onward. Too bad my midichlorian count is too low my lack of faith is disturbing.

I didn't get too much into the being a pirate thing even while growing up a Tampa Bay Buccaneers sports fan. I really didn't get into it until I saw Emma Thompson's version of Sense and Sensibility where Edward points out "Piracy is our only option. ...What is swabbing anyway...?"

Becoming a librarian in real-life happened in college, when I worked in the Cataloging department with bindery processing at University of Florida. My Journalism studies were floundering (I graduated with barely a C average in those classes) and it had gotten to where I was there more to work in the library than to take the classes (things might have been different if I was able to switch majors to something I was getting better grades in like History or Political Science, alas my parents were paying out-of-pocket - I missed the scholarship requirements by a single grade in high school - and they needed me to finish as quick as possible). Anyway, long story short, I went to South Florida to get my Masters (THAT I got an A average in) and went straight into working in libraries ever since 1994.

There was that dark period during the Great Recession where I lost my job as a librarian in 2008 and spent four years struggling to regain full-time employment, up until 2013 when Bartow Library took a chance on me and I've been there ever since. There were times I was hoping the Obama administration were hiring, but I kept missing my chances to drop off my resume with him and damn it all I wasn't able to get my shot at being in the room when it happened.

  

In terms of all the other things, I've got the pictures of me being a Jedi, not so many of me being a pirate, and a good number of me being a mostly self-published writer. I keep running into the writer's block - the usual problems with chronic depression, work-related stress, real-world anxieties from horrific political dis-leadership and a current pandemic - of unfinished stories all over the place, and I should be using this time I still have to finish at least one of them to feel the accomplishment of completion again.

There's still a lot in my life I haven't done that I wanted so much to do when I was younger: To travel to places to see the world (Grand Canyon, Prague, London, Ireland, the coasts of Spain to Italy, Japan), to break out of my shell and learn social skills, to be better as a friend, to figure out how to flirt proper with ladies, figure out relationships (how to start one, obviously), stuff like that. There's a lot there that I should have done and figured out when I was younger - the regrets of being 20, and then 30, and then 40... - and part of me knows with all that's going on that I don't have many chances left.

So there's me, looking back at 50. I'll add pictures of the cake for today a little later.