Four For the Fourth 2022: A Simple Plea

It's Independence Day, America, and on this day I'd like to put out four different articles as part of my "Four For the Fourth," eh?

I'd like to start off with a request to my fellow Americans.

We as Americans are inventive, crafty human beings. We create, we design, we patent like crazy every idea under the sun.

I'd like to ask our fellow Americans who are experts in the fields of chemistry/physics if you can, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, invent a fireworks cracker that is pretty and sparkly when it explodes but is also SILENT so that way we DO NOT 1) scare the doggies, 2) wake the neighbors at 2AM IN THE FUCKING MORNING, and 3) seriously that noise scares our puppies it's not fair to make our puppies suffer.

And no, I don't mean sparklers. We've been selling those for decades as a "safe" alternative to firecrackers, but alas too many of us have the urge to blow shit up for the holidays.

If there is such a firework out there, let me know, and we need to petition Congress to mandate those as the only fireworks to sell in the US.

Can we... can we just do that, America? We're smart, we invented a t-shirt gun that shoots only t-shirts, we ought to be able to invent the Silent Firecracker.

And that said, here are links to my other Fourth blog articles, one about women's rights to independence, one about the need for fixing our nation to save our freedoms, and one about needing more metal music on the TV specials dammit!

I'd wish for this to be a Happy 4th, but after the shooting in Highland Park this morning that would be hard for us all.