Sunday, November 15, 2020

The Five Reasons trump Refuses To Concede (w/Update)

(Update: Thanks as always to Batocchio for adding me to Crooks&Liars' Mike's Blog Round-Up! Stay safe out there, readers, wear the damn masks and watch out for coup attempts)

We're about two weeks into the reality that Pennsylvania called for Biden, clinching the Electoral count he needs. We're two days out from Georgia finishing their recount efforts – they have rules to recount if a result is too close, and it was looking that way for both the Presidential ticket and one of the Senate races – and confirming that Biden won that state (arguably the first real crack in the GOP Southern Strategy we've ever seen, more on that another time) pretty much putting Biden at 306 Electoral Votes to trump's 232 (in a great irony, this is the mirror result of 2016 where trump had 306 to Hillary's 232, except this time Biden also has the Popular Vote locked in).

And here's trump still, denying the results, screaming about fraud, and sending mixed messages and different lawyer teams into (and out of) various states trying something, ANYTHING, to get the courts to flip the majority will of Americans so HE can outright steal a second term and stay in power.

It's both horrifying – trump is no longer hiding his obsession to rule as a dictator – and hilarious – his efforts are so pathetic even wimp fights are more brutal.

So just to pass the time – until the moment when trump decides to go full coup d'etat and call out his Proud Boys supremacist militias to overthrow the state governments, or he succeeds in convincing three state legislatures (Michigan's, Pennsylvania's, and Georgia's) to ignore the votes and illegally seat their own pro-trump Electors – here's my five cents on why trump is behaving this way.


Reason One: trump's narcissism.

We've known going into this nightmare that trump is pure Id, even more than his Ego. Operating on impulse and on the bare minimum of self-awareness let alone awareness of others.

Trump has made it clear he views the world in the simplest of terms: That people are divided into Winners and Suckers, and that HE (champion and most excellent of the former group) shall never be lumped in with the latter.

So just on this mindset alone, trump cannot admit – not to others, not to himself – that he lost. Granted, he's lost before: His many bankruptcies should be viewed as admissions of failure, except that thanks to his lawyers and through the mercies of bankruptcy laws trump was able to wiggle his way out of responsibility and still claim himself a successful businessman who “gamed the system.” His failure with the USFL vs. NFL antitrust lawsuit should be a glaring example – if you ever read the jury findings, you'll see how the jurors recoiled from trump's bullshit and saw him as the instigator and not the victim – except that trump still blames everyone else for that folly. The Trump University scam that was haunting him during the 2016 campaign itself should be viewed as a loss, except again he worked out a plea deal that guaranteed the settlement would cast no blame nor lingered on the open fraud he and his cronies committed.

In one respect, trump lost in 2016: The Popular vote clearly went for Hillary. But due to the broken and anti-democratic nature of the Electoral College, trump squeaked into winning three battleground states with literally mere hundreds of votes that gave him their Electoral Votes instead. It should be noted that trump promptly crowed – against all evidence – that he had won a LANDSLIDE, not just the College but also the Popular vote, and claimed it was the greatest victory in history (ignoring the Electoral and Popular vote blowouts of 1984 and 1932 (we don't count Nixon's 1972 blowout because the cheating exposed by the Watergate scandal negates that)).

Trump can't crow like that this time. The illusion of the Electoral College can't grant him that excuse. So he has to settle on denial. Constant, whining denial that he's the victim of voter fraud and to get us to pity him back into office.


Reason Two: Republican Denial of Democratic Party legitimacy

In this, trump is not acting alone. One of the reasons why trump's attempts to subvert the election results is ongoing is because the rest of the Republican Party has no choice but to agree with him.

Just as trump has to deny Biden his victory, the Republicans have to deny the Democratic Party theirs. The whole point of GOP gerrymandering and voter suppression efforts is to reduce the majority advantages the Dems hold across most of the large-population (and most battleground) states. Remember, Republicans are currently in power as a minority (political, not ethnic) party.  If the Democrats hold at least two parts of the federal government – the Executive, and part of the Legislature with the U.S. House – that reduces the strength they have on the national stage, and makes them vulnerable – through investigation and oversight by a Dem-controlled Justice Department – at the state level as well.

The more trump screams that Biden cheated and stole the election from him, the easier it becomes part of the Far Right Narrative that the Republican party can shill on Fox Not-News and other wingnut outlets. The Narrative will repeat the story they sold to the world when Obama was in office: The Democratic leadership is illegitimate and must be obstructed for the greater good. Where the GOP sold that by accusing Obama of being a Fake American (dirty Mooslim Kenyan Usurper Socialist), they will repackage by accusing Biden of being a Fake President (demented anti-Catholic Usurper Socialist).

We're seeing the ramifications of that right now. A little-known agency in the Executive branch (GSA) that oversees the Transition period is refusing to recognize Biden, cutting off Biden's team from coordinating with the government to ensure a smooth entry in January. Considering this can hamper Biden's ability to manage an out-of-control pandemic as well as handle any foreign disruptions, this singular act of spite can get people killed...


Reason Three: Making Money.

One of the greatest sins of the Citizens United court ruling has been to let the political campaign system turn into a financial free-for-all with little oversight and too much cash getting wasted on Gods-know-what.

We've already seen glimpses of this with the growing scandal revolving around trump's banished campaign manager Brad Parscale. We're seeing more of it right now in the past two weeks where trump's campaign – and other Republican PACs – have been spamming email requests (more like demands) to their voting faithful to help pay for the legal fees of trump's ongoing lawsuits to nullify thousands of mail-in ballots he doesn't like.

Thing is, you need to read the fine print in these fundraising emails: A number of them state that depending on the amount donated the first amount – say, the first $5,000 of a donation – won't go to the legal effort. That money would go instead to pay off debts in trump's campaign instead (and maybe even to trump himself).

It's another grift. Trump is trying to squeeze out every last penny from his sucker fanbase. Always the dollars, always the fucking dollars.


Reason Four: There is nowhere else for trump to go after all this, except to jail.

I keep harping on this fact: trump's whole life has been a series of escalating con games, moving up from property ownership and renting, to land speculation, to casinos, to golf courses, to team sports ownership, to marketing books, to marketing junk, to marketing himself as a celebrity, to marketing himself as God-Emperor. Every step a con, scheming his way into a fantasy life of permanent wealth he can never attain because he's borrowing too much and spending too much. Every business move collapsing onto itself due to his own mismanagement and abuse, setting himself up just enough so he can jettison the failure and move on to the next big deal.

This is pretty much how he gambled his way through life, and how he scammed his way – through bullying the Republicans into accepting him as a candidate, through bullshitting his way through every primary, through overwhelming the national media to give him free airtime 24/7 to shill his campaign – into a White House he really didn't earn or deserve.

Once in the White House, trump behaved the only way he knew how: Grabbing everything he could in fits of greed, cutting corners by ignoring rules and practices set in stone to ensure legal norms were upheld, and letting his underlings waste time and resources to pander to his whims. Trump violated the Emoluments Clause from Day One, for God's sake. Aided and abetted by a Republican-controlled Congress until 2019, trump ran rampant allowing his agencies to fleece the taxpayers at will, promoting cronyist behavior at every turn

The Hatch Act – separating the needs of election campaigning from the powers of the Presidency – was broken so many times by his handlers and then by trump himself that the law itself currently isn't fit on paper for use as toilet paper.

And all of this – thanks to trump firing agency-level Inspector Generals and abusing the Justice Department as his own law firm defending every corrupt act in trump's administration – happened with little oversight and legal accountability, right up to his getting impeached for using foreign policy to compel another country to interfere with our own elections. With a Republican-controlled Senate covering his ass, trump never had to worry about the consequences of every sin he's ever committed.

Until now.

With all the things he's done – before and during his tenure – trump was protected by a questionably legal standing order that sitting Presidents are immune from criminal investigations and charges (civil matters is a different matter per Jones v Clinton). Once trump is officially done as President – the second Biden swears his Oath of Office on January 20 2021 – trump is criminally liable for every potential criminal act, especially the Emoluments violations as well as any national security violations he may have done. Granted, there are statutes of limitations, from what I've heard they last five years so any law he broke in 2017 has to be reviewed and charged by 2022.

The other thing the Presidential status protected trump from were the criminal and civil matters he broke before he ran for office, such as the sexual assaults that have been documented and especially the one (maybe more) awaiting his DNA sample in civil court. Trump had mastered – thanks to his army of lawyers, the only ones he ever really pays well – the tactics of delay delay delay to force his legal opponents into giving up and dealing out. However: he's used that trick too many times, he can't use being in office as an excuse after January, and he's now at the end of the number of other tricks he can keep pulling off before the judge(s) simply decide to hold him in contempt.

Piling on top of that are the reports that trump – for all his stealing and thievery in office – is broke, millions of dollars in debt, and some of the largest debts are due within the next four months. If he were still President past January 2021, he could delay those debts even further (or pay them off abusing his access to funds, further criminalizing his actions while in office). Alas, he won't be able to do that with Biden winning...

And the most obvious thing of all, the Sword of Damocles dangling over trump's head, are the criminal charges awaiting him with the State of New York. Following on the investigations into trump's bribing of mistresses and illegal use of funds from his now-defunct charity, these are legal matters that even as President trump cannot stop or delay. 

Oh, trump could force his owned Department of Justice to intervene, maybe even arrest state-level officials, maybe even steal off evidence and destroy it all in the Attorney General's office, but it would be such a violation of federalism (separation of Federal and State powers) that it would trigger straight-up Civil War. Trump could try pardoning himself, but Presidential pardons only cover federal crimes, not state. Hilariously enough, New York's District Attorneys could hit trump with criminal charges even if trump had won this election cycle, creating the unique sight of the Commander-in-Chief Loser of the Popular Vote wearing an orange jumpsuit while in handcuffs.

New York's legal system - spearheaded by DA Letitia James - has trump by the short hairs, and he knows it. The only real escape from that was staying in the White House under siege for four years until he got the gardeners to dig him an escape tunnel to Bermuda.

Anyone genuinely dreaming of trump running for the Presidency again in 2024 has to wake up to the reality that by 2024 trump can well be sitting in a safe-watch wing of an upstate New York prison waiting out a 5-year sentence after a jury finds him guilty of at least one count of fraud. Anyone – trump included – thinking he can start up his own media empire to rival Fox Not-News is ignoring this reality as well.

Let me repeat: This is it for him. Trump has nowhere else to go, other than prison on fraud charges, or exile to a country that doesn't extradite to the United States.


Reason Five: Straight-up Delusion

trump has yet to play out every trick he can pull to steal away Biden's Electoral win. Of great concern is the reported effort by the state legislatures in key battlegrounds – Pennsylvania, Michigan, and now Georgia – to ignore the majority votes in their own states, nullify those votes in fact, and directly select their state's own Electors.

This is where the vague wiggle room of laws hurt us. The Constitution itself doesn't spell out how the states select their Electors: it was assumed that every able-bodied citizen under the law (propertied white men first, then all white men, then all men regardless of race, then all women also regardless of race, then all Americans 18 and older) would vote and the states write in laws to accept that, and for the most part it's gone that way. Only rarely – I know of one instance, South Carolina in 1860 had their legislature pick the winner because they feared even a Pro-Union Pro-Slavery Southerner could win – had a state overridden the voting process. Only once since then – the 1876 election where two states could not agree on certifying which Electors to send – had this been an issue (and the solution for that was undemocratic as hell and the results allowed Jim Crow to flourish). 

The expectation is that the state legislators will respect the rights and the views of their state's majorities and choose Biden's roster of Electors to complete the process. The situation won't put trump's ass on the line, it'll be the legislators who would have to deal with angry voters – not just Democrats but even Republican voters who still (yes there are many) respect the right of voting – within minutes of breaking tradition (and even their own state's election laws).

And... it's looking like the states in question - even Arizona - are refusing trump's call to subvert the election results. So this is pretty much a moot point.

After this, trump's only remaining move to stay in power is an outright coup d'etat.

This isn't over yet.


trumpian Denial of COVID-19 Is Dooming, Will Doom Us

I saw this on Twitter this morning.



This is not only happening in South Dakota but also North Dakota, and Montana, and Iowa, and Wisconsin, and Illinois, and Ohio, and Florida, and...

It's happening in every state, at some level, where there's enough trump-worshipping denialists who've been told by their media overlords that COVID-19 is a Chinese-backed Socialist plot, that it's a hoax pushed by libruls to take our freedoms, that oh heavens if they do get it there's a miracle cure that trump himself took that's readily available at some rural underfunded clinic instead of a high-tech military hospital.

It doesn't occur to the trumpian "true believers" that trump intentionally refuses to take an active effort to control the pandemic's spread, they don't hear you when you point out how trump himself openly declared "I'm not taking any responsibility at all" to mandate nationwide health guides and public safety rules.

And because of trump's failures at leadership - his active avoidance of it - we are now facing a massive upward spike of COVID positive infections across the entire nation, here have John Cole at Balloon Juice share a few words ("What the Fuck Is WRONG With People") on this (complete with links to charts):


We’re gonna blast past 200k (cases daily) before we even get to Thanksgiving. If I were God emperor, I would lock everyone down, issue mask mandates, and mount speakers every 100 yards playing this nonstop until people didn’t want to leave the fucking house...

I laugh-cried at the “if people don’t learn” part. The most American thing in the world is NEVER FUCKING LEARNING ANYTHING EVER.

The worst thing about this is that Trump’s followers are literally a cult. Anything he says or does they mindlessly repeat and replicate. If that motherfucker would just have asked his followers to wear a fucking mask we wouldn’t be in half the mess we are in right now.

We're well past the point of hospitals being overwhelmed. Our health care workers - nurses especially - are threatening national strikes to force the government to do SOMETHING to put the nation back on lockdown like we did in March-April. But we're running into the seasonal holidays - when people want to gather families for Thanksgiving, when they feel the need to go Christmas shopping in-person because GODDAMMIT that's what Black Fridays are for - the most God-awful worst time to try and impose any lockdown at all.

trump meanwhile is sulking and throwing hissy fits about Biden's popular vote and Electoral College win, still screaming about it being stolen even as his lawyers keep failing to prove ANY kind of voter fraud happened at all. trump will refuse to do anything to help a nation he's likely viewing as having betrayed him. The Pandemic Response team that's supposed to be run by VP Pence hasn't even done anything in two weeks.

We are literally facing a winter of chaos and calamity, and while we may have a calmer future promised to us with Biden entering the Presidency in January, between then and now we are doomed to suffer at trump's whims.

Gods help us.

Friday, November 13, 2020

This is 2020 Friday the 13th Edition

Just throwing this out there.

After 87,000 turkeys exploded in fire, Greenberg shuts down for holiday season (via Dallas Morning News)

The newly-elected Senator for Alabama, former football coach from Auburn Tommy Tuberville, doesn't know who the United States fought against in the Second World War (via Political Wire). Yeah, Tuberville is pretty much going to be the DUMBEST Senator in toady's Congress (and in a field containing Marco Rubio, that takes some effort).

trump is threatening to start his own trump-flavored Far Right media empire (via Bloomberg). Considering how every other trump-promoted endeavor has turned to ash, Fox News shouldn't worry...

Oh, and we're seeing massive spikes in COVID-19 infections meaning an equivalent spike in the number of deaths within the next week.

GODDAMMIT WHERE IS OUR LEADERSHIP?


Wednesday, November 11, 2020

The Truth About Republican Obsession With Voter Fraud That DOES NOT EXIST.

In short:

It's not that the Republicans are eager to lie about mass fake voting they can't even prove in the courts.

It's that the Republicans are eager to believe that massive numbers of voters - Blacks, Women, Youth, Non-Christian, essentially anybody registered Democratic Party - are Fake Americans, and will deny those "Fake Americans" their rights so that Republicans can stay in corrupt minority rule.

Every chance that trump's lawyers have had to prove in court that there's any coordinated nationwide effort to commit voter fraud, they've failed to prove that. They're following in the footsteps of Kris Kobach, whose constant court battles over the narrative that there's a conspiracy of fake voters ended in resounded defeats on the simple reality Kobach could never prove a word of it.

And yet, the Republicans will insist on that argument that the election results favoring Biden or ANY Democrat for that matter is fraudulent.

Because they are at the point they can never accept anyone else outside of their tribe as true Americans.

This is how dangerous the current Far Right Narrative has gotten.


Saturday, November 07, 2020

It's All Over Except for the trumpian Lawsuits

They called it in Pennsylvania. Biden and Harris won the Electoral College.

There are reports of fireworks across the globe.




With all the partisan strife across the United States, at least 75 million of us voted for Biden to help us recover from the disasters - and yes there have been many - of the trump regime.

It's only a partial victory, though. And trump is not going to take this sitting down. Lawsuits are already getting flung across half the states in a vain attempt to nullify the actual votes counted. There remains the small possibility that trump can get his puppets on the Supreme Court to throw out the results altogether in a legal mind screw that would disenfranchise much of the nation. But if trump is expecting another Bush v Gore, it's not the same situation: Where that was a decision forcing the Florida recount to end, trump is asking the courts to not let ANY counts (negatively affecting HIM) happen at all. It'll be a legal step too far...

It's not over yet, America. There's still the Georgia Senate elections to runoff, and a chance at a 50-50 control to negate McConnell's power. They'll need your help (via ActBlue), get to it.

More on this later. For now, America, WE DANCE (And Philly fans punching a police horse as expected).

Wednesday, November 04, 2020

The Post-Election 2020 Super Conniption Blues

(Update: Many thanks to Infidel753 adding me to Crooks&Liars' Mike's Blog Round-Up this morning! I'm a little busy working on NaNo today so... good luck writers!)

While the Presidential election is still getting counted out in the final states, with everything literally on the line for 270 Electoral Votes, there are a few things I wanna get off my chest tonight.

Ahem.

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MOST OF YOU?

I'm not even yelling at the trump voters from 2016 who voted again for the WORST SHITGIBBON ON THE PLANET, because they have been lost to us since even before 2016 2010 2000 1992. They're gleefully showing up for a man who will infect them with the Coronavirus at rallies and still vote as though he's their Personal Jesus Reagan.

No, I'm talking to a number of you Independent or centrist voters who didn't care to vote or voted differently in 2016, only to show up this election cycle to vote for a man in trump who spent the last four years objectively being the WORST POSSIBLE PERSON TO EVER SERVE IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND THIS IS GOING ALL THE WAY BACK TO JOHN ADAMS FOR GOD'S SAKE AND EVEN ADAMS HAD FCKING INTEGRITY, HELL EVEN GRANT AND HARDING WERE NEVER THIS BAD, ONLY JOHN TYLER AND ANDREW JOHNSON WOULD GIVE THIS SHITGIBBON A RUN FOR HIS MONEY SO WHY THE HELL DID YOU VOTE trump THIS TIME?!?!

Ahem.

Here, I tweeted this earlier today:



I'd been noting for four years how trump never moved to the center of the political spectrum, never made himself more appealing to moderate voters to broaden his base, that he kept pandering to the 42-44 percent of the population that would have never guaranteed a popular vote win.

And the SOB still garnered more votes to him.

This was after constant and well-documented violations of the Emoluments Clause, revelations about bribing mistresses and porn actresses, case after case after case of him sexually assaulting women as proof of the vulgarity he revealed before the 2016 election. This was after trump's taxes went public this year, highlighting tax dodges and questionable claims that demonstrated trump wasn't just a failed businessman but arguably a tax fraud.

It was as though a massive plurality of Americans, maybe not a majority of us, just didn't give a fuck about ethical and honest leadership after all.

This was after a near year-long failure of leadership by trump and his administration in combatting and managing a global pandemic that was manageable if someone competent and caring set federal mandates for public safety (masks and social distancing) and fought hard to get Congress to fund for state aid and expanded benefits for the citizenry. trump refused to lead, even mocked the COVID-19 pandemic even as it spiraled out of control, even after he contracted the damn thing himself he never acknowledged the severity of it all. trump has a goddamn body count of 230,000 preventable deaths (and growing by the day) far worse than most wars other Presidents had overseen, and at least those leaders held themselves to account in some form or another. trump's failure on this matter made the United States one of the worst nations to handle the pandemic, likely prolonging it far longer in ways to make our recovery longer and more painful than what our counterpart Western European nations will do once we can get a safe vaccine going.

And the SOB still garnered more votes to him.

And the most obvious problem of all: How this openly race-baiting, rage-inducing tinpot encouraged the very worst in America, through appeals to violence, through the insults and denigration of Blacks, Latinos, Women. trump never appealed to the better angels, he always took the opportunity to summon the worst demons and historic wrongs that haunts our nation to this day. It's the one thing constant about trump that his fanbase will always fall for, always love him for. Allowing them to be as vulgar and hateful as he is.

And the SOB still garnered more votes to him.

I know we are living in a nation where there are far too many people being assholes than we had realized until 2016. I know. I can't understand it, but I know - like Rude Pundit in 2014 and Ed at Gin and Tacos in 2018 both pointed out - that the partisan divide in the United States created by the Far Right exists and can never be fixed. What I'm railing about now is how somehow, with all the bad shit trump served us for the last four years, even more Americans decided - against the availability of a reasonable, relatively normal political figure in Biden - to go with the SOB.

I may live in Florida, I may be half-mad myself. But Jesus Christ, even I know where the line shouldn't be crossed. trump shouldn't have even gotten 63 million voters this year, he didn't do anything to deserve getting 50 million voters this year. 

And the ETERNAL SHITGIBBON THAT IS trump is still one bad state turnout against Biden away from stealing off with another goddamned Electoral College theft.

This is unforgivable shit here, America. What the hell.

This ain't the end of my ranting. I am still royally pissed and will add more thoughts about all this.

Tuesday, November 03, 2020

Election Night 2020: I'M PERFECTLY CALM

JUST LOOK AT HOW STEADY MY HANDS ARE.


I AM TOTALLY CALM HERE.


I know it's going to be a long night and there's obviously going to be a few bad steps here and there and some states may not vote the way I'm praying to God they should vote but you know it's a free country and and and and um JESUS FCKING CHRIST AMERICA STOP VOTING FOR THAT SHITGIBBON! 

VOTE BIDEN! VOTE BLUE! VOTE FOR A BLUE SENATE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL YOU BE SANE FOR LIKE ONE ELECTION DAY FOR THE SAKE OF ALL HUMANITY!


Okay, I'm eating ice cream now and will try to avoid watching the poll results - the skewed, too-early-to-call-it poll results that the media loves to shove down our throats until we're begging them to stop.

I'll update when I can.

HOPE YOU VOTED. HOPE YOU VOTED FOR BIDEN AND SANITY.

Update 8:47 PM. Fuck. They already called Florida?FUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

Update 10:35 PM. I will never understand it. I mean, I *know* we are surrounded by an army of assholes, but you would think that after trump's epic failures of leadership - letting Puerto Rico fall apart, his tariff war follies, the evil of his family separations at the border, the financial corruption, and this year alone allowing a pandemic to rampage across our country... we still have too many Americans buying trump's bullshit and voting for him. His pandering to their most sadistic hates and their most ill-informed fears, and he's still... God. This is insane...

trump's supposed to be losing the suburbs what the hell is happening...?

Monday, November 02, 2020

Waiting on the Edge of 2020

This is the last night of uncertainty before an entire week of chaos. After four years of despair.

Pippin : It's so quiet.

Gandalf : It's the deep breath before the plunge.

Pippin : I don't want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse.

This election cycle has been a war of sorts, with actual blood spilled and conflicts dotted across the landscape. We had trumpsters in their coal roller trucks attempt a Mad Max attack on the Biden campaign bus. We've had the wingnuts parade through Black neighborhoods - with police escort! - in blatant intimidation efforts to scare voters off from tomorrow.

Election Day will be more chaotic. Expect trump's "Observers" showing up in police or militia uniforms with loaded firearms strapped to every limb as the intimidating thugs they are. Expect last-minute tweets and text messages aimed at registered Democrats warning them to avoid their precincts when things are actually safe. Expect interference and blockades of precincts as the hour gets late, before the polls officially close, in order to stop late-arriving voters from getting in line. Hell, I'm expecting Russia to attack our power grid in battleground states to fuck up the electronic voting machines throughout the day.

Election night is going to be worse. Television, having spent decades turning the evening into high-drama events watching maps change colors, are going to be tempted - or pushed by trump - into declaring victories where ballots haven't even begun getting counted. But the old ways of covering the results doesn't work anymore: the reality that it takes days if not weeks to fully account for every submitted ballot means we shouldn't declare anything until it's all done. The problem with that is, trump wants his excuse to claim victory and to hell with the rights of the voters, so the intense "gaming of the refs" is going to create noise and anxiety for all Americans - and the world - that we shouldn't have to endure.

For myself, living in the middle of Florida where every third pickup truck is flying a 14-foot flag of trump's head photoshopped atop Rambo's body, the stress tomorrow - RIGHT NOW in fact - is going to be the worst I've felt even than 2012 during the runup and worse than 2016 when the dread of trump's Electoral College chicanery became all too real. Part of me hears the polling saying that Florida is 4 points in favor of Biden and Harris, but I know what the local Republicans are going to do to fuck up the turnout and I worry that I'm going to bed tomorrow night with my home state making the same damn mistake they made in 2016 (and 2010 and 2014 and 2018 with the Governor and Senate elections, we got screwed with Rick "No Ethics" Scott and Ron "No Masks" DeSantis thanks a lot).

And I worry - and hope - about North Carolina and Pennsylvania and Michigan and Wisconsin being real for Biden and for the Democratic Party. And I worry about the Senate races - we NEED to ship McConnell to the pit of Hell he richly deserves - that the Democrats need to win alongside winning the Presidency with Biden. And I hope, oh Lord I do hope, that the signs of Blue Waves happening in Georgia and Texas and Iowa and Arizona are true, especially my birth state of Georgia.

I want to see some hope of sanity after all of this madness. I know the viciousness of the trumpshirt followers won't go away, nor the calculated sadism of the Republican Party leadership, but we need to see a fighting chance to push back against their cruelty, rage, and greed.

I will see you on the other side of the storm.

Vote Tuesday if you haven't already. Vote Blue across the board, America.

Stay safe. This isn't over even when the ballots are all counted. 


Saturday, October 31, 2020

Praying to a Just And Loving Unitarian Goddess for a Sane November 2020 General Election

I can mess around with 270towin maps all day long...

I can stare at the polling maps by the professionals showing good numbers for Joe Biden...

what FiveThirtyEight is projecting this Halloween night, 3 nights out

I can craft 100 different maps of what I hope to see Wednesday morning with a big contented smile on my face:
I'm hoping for a NC/GA/FL/TX flip to help break the Southern Strategy forever...

But I can't rely or wait on hope and neither should you. The Early Voting turnout so far gives me great hope that a large Blue Wave vote is coming... But there's an entire Republican Party from trump down to his hand-picked Far Right judges down to the county-level supervisors and questionable law enforcement looking to get in the way of a clean vote by the American people.

Get the vote out, Democrats. To every Independent Voter out there, this is the year - we need it, to escape the damage trump's mismanagement is inflicting on us right now - you NEED to vote Blue across the board. To every Republican Voter... for the love of God wake up and stop supporting those crooks. Please.


DAMN YOU 2020 (RIP Sean Connery)

Just saw this morning reports that actor Sean Connery passed away.

The Scottish actor was best known for his portrayal of James Bond, being the first to bring the role to the big screen and appearing in seven of the spy thrillers.

Sir Sean died peacefully in his sleep in the Bahamas, having been "unwell for some time", his son said.

His acting career spanned five decades and he won an Oscar in 1988 for his role in The Untouchables.

Sir Sean's other films included The Hunt for Red October, Highlander, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and The Rock.

DAMN YOU 2016 2020 for taking my childhood celebrities from us!

I first remember seeing Sean Connery here and there in snippets of any of the Bond films playing on rerun on the evening television matinees, but I really saw him first in a theater in the movie Time Bandits, playing Agamemnon as a king with surprising depth and humanity:


And charm. That quickly became the thing I noticed watching the films he made. There was a level of self-confident whimsy to himself that seeped into most of his performances, not just as a not-so-secret British agent but also as Robin Hood, or a Chicago beat cop, or a professor of archaeology.

Connery came to stardom in the early 1960s, working in bit roles in the late 1950s before getting lead roles in stuff like Darby O'Gill and the Little People (no really) in which he caught the eye of movie producers looking to cast the first James Bond in Dr. No (no, REALLY).

Trying to explain how Connery not only filled the role of Britain's greatest fictional spy but defined the style and charm of fictional Cold War spies across the genre would take books to spell out. He portrayed Bond as a man who wouldn't be out of place at a tuxedo gala nor a Jamaican beach bar, able to flirt and bully his way into any office, any dining room, any bedroom. Someone with an upper class sense of judgment - look at his snobbery over wine and fine cuisine - but a middle class determination to get his hands dirty and get the job done.

His personality didn't fit the literary appearance of Bond, but writer Ian Fleming acknowledged the influence Connery had by changing Bond's biography to fit Connery's own (giving Bond a Scottish background, for example).

Connery achieved an effect few other actors get to make: creating from his own cloth the cultural and memetic traits of a character - "Bond, James Bond" - who achieves legendary status. Nimoy did with Spock, Basil Rathbone almost did it with Sherlock Holmes (although Jeremy Brett in the 1980s took that title away and kept it for good). Every other actor who followed Connery in the role - George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig - faced stiff comparison to how Connery did it. While Moore, Brosnan, and Craig were able to achieve their own takes, they still had to match up to the overall panache that Connery brought to the role.

Post-Bond, Connery struggled a bit in the 1970s with meaty roles in more dramatic films - The Man Who Would Be King so-starring his best friend Michael Caine, for example - but didn't hit box office success until the 1980s and 1990s during the action movie craze as a man in his fifties and sixties fighting battles more suited to men in their thirties... and yet pulling it off because of that charming self-confidence that underlined every role.

Not to mention sticking to a Scottish accent in his dialog even when playing a Russian submarine captain:


People still bought it because SEAN FREAKING CONNERY.

It did get ridiculous towards the late 1990s when he was still getting cast in roles of an action hero with romantic interests played by actresses in their thirties or even twenties, a case of age bias that questioned how Hollywood would keep casting older men with younger women. His real-life womanizing and open talk about slapping women also revealed a man with a "macho" sense of personal honor that went too far into justifying violence towards women in the worst ways.

But Connery was a brilliant actor, not necessarily someone trained for Shakespeare but capable of impressing and enticing audiences to root for him. Someone who did on-screen present male role models of determination and skill, and in some moments genuine emotion and gravitas.

These were some of his best moments:



(Note: I will go to my grave arguing that Connery should have won the Best Supporting Oscar for Last Crusade over Untouchables)



Also, the man pretty much brought Scottish kilts back to sexy.

Summon the pipers! We have a Scotsman down!


All British flags to remain at half-staff until 11/007 presumably.

The Dread This Halloween 2020

The dread and anxiety that are stalking the land this autumn have nothing to do with ghosts and goblins. It may have something to do with that creepy Silver Shamrock CEO selling off all these weird masks for Halloween, but I doubt it.

We are, across the United States, rushing towards a Presidential election cycle of 2020 that has driven the stress levels for a majority of Americans to levels greater than the emotional turmoil we endured after 9/11. It's where the reality of most Americans panicking that for all their efforts to turn out the vote for their side of Center-Left issues and leadership, the political minority dominated by Far Right leaders who refuse to serve the public good will still find a way to rig the results and stay in power against every democratic norm our country is supposed to follow.

There's been some notice in the media outlets about this anxiety and most of them - like this one in Slate by William Saletan - are trying to lower the despairing doom by pointing out the flaws of the 2016 results that left America truly leaderless aren't going to affect 2020:

The 2020 election is coming down to the wire, and millions of Americans are freaking out. They’re afraid President Donald Trump will surge at the end and win, as he did in 2016. But there are good reasons to think that won’t happen, based on measurable differences between the two elections. Joe Biden is in a much better position than Hillary Clinton was.

Biden already has more than 200 electoral votes—probably around 230—in the bag. To reach the 270 necessary to win, he just needs three states Clinton narrowly lost: Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. Let’s call these the core states. If Biden loses one of them, he could still get to 270 by taking Arizona, Florida, Georgia, or North Carolina. Let’s call these the bonus states...

Biden isn’t just leading in more states. Across the board, his vote share is higher than Clinton’s was. On the Friday before the election, Clinton was averaging 48.8 percent in the core states and 46.3 percent in the bonus states. Biden is averaging 51.2 percent in the core states and 48.8 percent in the bonus states. To beat Clinton in Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin, all Trump had to do was pick up undecided voters. That wouldn’t suffice against Biden, since he’s above 50 in each of those states...

Thing is, we're already seeing trump and his Republican lackeys meddle in all of those battleground states. We've been getting stories about attacks on the ballot counting in Pennsylvania. Minnesota and Wisconsin are on notice from the trump-allied federal courts about the potential cutting off of late-receiving ballots. The fears that the Postal Service - hog-tied by trump's buddy DeJoy - aren't delivering ballots in time are proving true in Miami-Dade, forcing a belated state intervention that shows little sign of getting the votes in on time.

Granted, the Early Vote turnout is an encouraging ray of hope. Texas alone in 2020 has exceeded already the total voter turnout of 2016. Given how lower turnout in elections tends to hurt Democrats, this is a good sign that turnout enthusiasm for the Democratic ticket is in play and Texas could flip (still, no guarantees unless EVERY Tex Dem gets the damn vote to the ballot box!).

This election year is getting down to the wire, in some places literally, with the ongoing concern of voter intimidation on Election Day itself as well as any last-minute assaults on our rights to vote.

The last time I felt this stressed out was 2012, when it seemed like a tight race between Obama against Romney with a national media dancing to Tea Party propaganda noise and ignoring all the blatant obstruction the Congressional Republicans committed to hamper the nation's recovery from the 2007 Recession. It didn't have to be that close, I thought, and at the time it felt lucky that Obama won 52-to-47 percent with a healthy Electoral margin.

How naïve I seemed back in 2012 when in 2016 the worst-case scenario happened anyway, and with a far more incompetent and inhuman nightmare with trump.

This weekend, I'm fucking praying that a 52-to-47 Biden-over-trump win is enough to get that Electoral win as well. Given the voter suppression/ballot-tossing the GOP is openly willing to do, it feels like Biden is going to need 60 percent to even eke out the Electoral Presidential victory his supportive majority needs.

I'm not the only one feeling out of sorts, on edge, nervous as hell. Half the gamers I know on City of Heroes are freaking out. My professional and personal circle of friends and allies among librarians are twitchy. Several of my fellow writers in the local critique groups are having trouble even sleeping normal the last two-three months.

This isn't your normal Halloween, after all. COVID-19 stalks this land. There's a nationwide spike of infections overwhelming our hospitals RIGHT NOW. We've got a real-life scary monster rampaging the countryside, and nobody in a position to fight it - trump, Mitch, most Republican officials - even wants to talk about the problem.

The rest of us are stuck hiding behind the sofa, watching the scary movie play out while covering our eyes with trembling fingers, only it's no movie and the only way we can survive this nightmare is to wake up and vote, vote trump out before the shambling zombie wreck that is the GOP gets us all.

The foulest stench is in the air/

The funk of 4 trump-led years/

And grisly ghouls from Putin's plot/

Are closing in to steal your ballot

And though you vote to stay alive/

Your nation gets pulled to ribbons/

For no election cycle can resist/

The evil of... the Shitgibbon!

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

(seriously, get the damn vote out for Biden/Harris and for every Democratic Senate candidate and every Democratic state office. It will be the wooden stake through the heart of a corrupt and lethal Republican monster.)



Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Hark! A Ranking of Van Halen Albums

With the passing of Eddie Van Halen earlier this month, I felt the need to look back at the band's efforts and impact on the music scene to the albums made over a long career and troubled path.

The band itself revolved mostly around the virtuoso skill of the lead guitar and band namesake himself. Following in the footsteps of the likes of Jimi Hendrix and Jimmy Page, Eddie represented a new generation of metal / hard rock guitar play that worked it fast AND worked it loud(er). Not with the harshness of more hardcore metal sounds, but with a semblance of melody.

One thing sometimes overlooked in the talk about Van Halen's legacy was the work of Eddie's brother Alex Van Halen (the OTHER namesake) who worked on the drums the way Eddie worked the guitar: fast and hard. Historic irony: when they both got into forming a rock band, Eddie was on drums and Alex on guitar. It's just that Alex found more time to practice while Eddie worked a paper route, and after learning to play “Wipe Out” (THE epic drum song of all time) they realized Alex was better as a drummer. There are certain songs – “Everybody Wants Some!” and “Hot For Teacher” in particular – that simply would not exist without the opening overpowering sound of Alex's drum riffs. Ranked somewhere below Neil Peart and definitely below John Bonham, Alex's work defined a lot of hair metal/hard rock drum sound of an entire decade (1980s).

Mixed into that was front man singer David Lee Roth, for whom the word “hyperactive” was not enough to explain him. Where other lead singers of the day had their outsized images, Roth was pure energy, bouncing from one activity to the next and writing lyrics that reflected that half-crazed mindset, providing jestering and snark in half the recorded songs they made.

Filling out the lineup was Michael Anthony on bass, who had gone to that instrument as his other friends in the scene had gone to lead guitars. Following in the steady but impressive paths of John Paul Jones and Jack Bruce, Anthony provided a bass-riff style that complemented the faster speeds of the Van Halen brothers but rarely showed off himself. One of the sadder elements of the rise and fall of Van Halen has been how Anthony got cast aside/kicked out as the band spiraled apart in the late 1990s, as part of the overall tragedy of a musical talent that should have put the band in the Top Five instead of the Top Twenty of all time.

The best way I can describe Van Halen to later generations is that they were the Party band for a generation of white suburbanite youth, from the late 1970s into the early 1990s. Cruising music for guys in muscle cars they bought used off their uncle's front yard, where the sound system with the subwoofer got more money than the fuel injectors. Even when Roth got booted from the group, his replacement Sammy Hagar filled the vacancy with a lyrical style that could play well on a Saturday night rolling the street scene across many a suburban town. Until Grunge came along and washed that all into the Pacific Ocean.

But that is another story for another time...

In the meanwhile, here's my take on the band's efforts. Much like my review of U2's work, I rank this from weakest album – the ones you can live without – to epic albums of historic importance and majesty.

“One break... COMING UP!”

Ranking Van Halen Albums - Weak to Epic

Title: Balance

Reasons: Released in the middle of the post-metal Grunge era, focused on more ballad tunes than on straight-up rockers, Balance was a wrong album at a wrong time. There's no other way to describe it.
This was personally an album I had bought from the store, listened once, and wondered why it sounded slower than the other CDs I owned. For a week I worried my player was finally dying. It wasn't until I played the disc on a new player and realized it was the album that was slow that I recoiled. None of the songs appealed to me at that time – future listening warmed me up to only a handful – and I traded the damn thing in to the used book/music store on U.S. 1 in Ft. Lauderdale as soon as I could.

This wasn't the Van Halen I grew up to. It wasn't a good way to end the Van Hagar era, and it foretold the folly that the next lineup would endure...

Epic Song(s): None
Great Song(s): Aftershock, Feelin'
Good Song(s): Don't Tell Me, Not Enough, Doin' Time, Baluchitherium

Title: Van Halen III

Reasons: The third lineup with a third front man singer, third time was not a charm. With Hagar's unceremonious departure after Balance, Eddie tried going younger and East Coast with Bostonian Gary Cherone (plucked from then-rising band Extreme) who happened to sing in a similar fashion to Hagar. Cherone's arrival however did not bring with him any input to make Halen relevant to the 90s sound, leaving the band stuck in some early 80s power ballad purgatory. Adding to the chaos was the diminished role Anthony had at bass (only three songs with Eddie pulling triple-duty for the rest of the album) before he got kicked from the roster (by this point, the animosity Eddie had towards Anthony seemed worse than the vitriol he had spat at Roth during THAT split). As Anthony commented later, this album had turned into an Eddie Van Halen solo project, complete with Eddie's first (and only) attempt at lead vocals on “How Many Say I.”

By the time this album came out, I had already soured on the band due to Balance, and I was not impressed with Cherone's hiring as the new singer (I didn't blame him, I blamed what seemed to me a mercurial Eddie). In fact, the late 90s was a void of music for me, I wasn't buying anything, the output of my favorite artists (Springsteen, U2, others) in that period had been middling at best.

I hadn't even bought this album. It was only Eddie's recent death and my need to review all the albums that made me listen to it off Hoopla Digital. In the end, I didn't find any problems with Cherone's performance – he performed as expected – I found issues with the overall direction of the music – plodding, long – to be the deal-breaker. Half of these songs are too long, attempts at opera rather than attempts at rocking out (which had been Van Halen's strength).

Epic Song(s): None
Great Song(s): Without You, Fire in the Hole
Good Song(s): From Afar, Once, Year to the Day, Primary

Title: Fair Warning

Reasons: This is in my view the darkest, moodiest work of the Van Halen discography covering all three lineups. From what I've read elsewhere, this is when the tensions between Eddie and David flared up, where Eddie wanted to go into more complex moodier themes while David wanted to stick to what was working (fast upbeat tunes with a fun cover tune or two). The resulting mix contains few truly good songs, but it does include arguably a live show fave and one of the bigger hits in the band's history in “Unchained.” Of the Roth-era albums, this is the weakest one and an album most fans can skip.

Epic Song(s): Unchained, Mean Street
Great Song(s): So This is Love?
Good Songs(s): Sinners Swing, Hear About It Later

Title: For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

Reasons: An unusual album for me even when it came out, something that seemed and sounded a bit juvenile (yes, the album's acronym was a clue) just as I was finishing up college, as though the band was regressing and I hadn't. It may have to do with the band rehiring their producer from the Roth era – Ted Templeman – perhaps in an attempt to regain the Roth fans that hadn't returned to the fold after the first two Van Hagar era albums.

The resulting album, released mere months before Nirvana's Nevermind – which blew the doors off hard rock forever with its Grunge sound – seemed a return to the party noise, car cruising ways of old... except it still didn't have the soul and snark of David Lee at his best. Sammy's voice just doesn't carry that vocal tone well. What we got was an album with some genuinely good pop metal tunes and little else... except for the one song that threw everything in the Van Halen universe off-kilter.

“Right Now” was a piano-driven power ballad tune that in all honesty was a genuinely epic song. It was a song that lyric-wise Roth couldn't pull off but Hagar could (Hagar's lyrics here are also him at his best). It didn't roll up the hit charts – it came out as a single towards the end of the album's life-span – but was on constant radio and video play. In fact, it got overexposed as a song, and in hindsight you could see how the impact of “Right Now” led to the disaster that was the Balance album which came after it.

Epic Song(s): Right Now
Great Song(s): Poundcake, Judgment Day, Runaround, Top of the World, 316
Good Song(s): The Dream is Over

Title: A Different Kind of Truth

Reasons: You want the truth? This was an album that should have come out in 2002 not 2012. This was an attempt to regain some chemistry between David Lee and Eddie that had allowed them to pull off reunion tours between 2006 through 2008, much in the vein of the 70s and 80s bands (hi, Fleetwood Mac) that found moderate success appealing to their nostalgic fanbases.

The end result was a more Blues-driven sound that was less than the familiar styling of the 70s and 80s with Roth and more to do with both David Lee too strained on vocals to reach his yelps of lore, and Eddie getting too old and too injured – he had hand surgery in 2009 to combat arthritis – to attempt the high-speed finger-picking that had been his signature style. The album itself was pretty good, but did not carry on it any songs like “Unchained” or “Everybody Wants Some!” to encourage long-term airplay. If this be the last album of Eddie Van Halen's life, it's a good note to exit on... just not a great one.

Epic Song(s): None
Great Song(s): She's the Woman, You And Your Blues, Stay Frosty, Beats Workin'
Good Song(s): China Town, Blood and Fire, Outta Space

Title: OU812

Reasons: This was the second of the Van Hagar albums and where the first one (5150) seemed more risk-adverse and poppy, this one revved it up a little more and ran with a faster, edgier sound. As a result, the songs on this album that clicked for me did so in a big way that the great songs on 5150 didn't. When I would go back to relisten to the Hagar-era albums, this was the one I reached for first.

Epic Song(s): Mine All Mine
Great Song(s): When It's Love, AFU (Naturally Wired), Cabo Wabo, Black and Blue
Good Song(s): Feels So Good, Finish What You Started

Title: 5150

Whose side did you take in 1985? You asked that question and every rock n roller knew the answer had to be either Halen or Roth. But the big question that needed answering was “What would Sammy Hagar's input be to whatever new sound Van Halen was going to bring to the world?”

Where David Lee Roth's vocal range worked in the yelping high pitched enthusiasm and low-growl seduction of a teenager eager to get to work (on refurbishing a car, dating that girl in art class, what have you), Hagar's vocal styling was more earnest than enthused meaning a clearly different way the lyrics were coming at us (as well as different lyrics altogether). At a time when Eddie was focusing more on the use of synths to imitate the finger-pick work on his guitar, this led to an album that could rightly be viewed in hindsight as the most pop album the rock band ever produced.

In terms of longevity, this is an album more fans will hear from, thanks to the ongoing airplay the big songs “Dreams,” “Best of Both Worlds,” and “Love Walks In” keep getting. There are decent songs to be had on here, just not ones that would shake the pillars of heaven, man.

Epic Song(s): Dreams, Best of Both Worlds
Great Song(s): Summer Nights, 5150
Good Song(s): Why Can't This Be Love, Get Up, Love Walks In

Title: Diver Down

Reasons: After the darkness of Fair Warning came this little thing, almost a quickie of an album that the critics didn't seem to like but arguably has some of the better performances on record the band ever committed.

The story is that David Lee wanted to do a single release cover of “Dancing in the Street” that Eddie couldn't get his head around, while Eddie wanted to do a cover of “(Oh) Pretty Woman” that Eddie COULD play. When they went in to do both, the studio argued to go ahead and record a full album anyway, so they did. Rather than come out with a rushed, panicked effort however, it's an album that actually sounds relaxed as though the band had a fun time recording it (in truth, Eddie hated the experience and it drove a wedge even more between him and David Lee). While Eddie's version of Roy Orbison's classic had its unique, hard-guitar tinge to it, what Eddie did revamping “Dancing in the Street” was arguably a better job, using a echoing riff to it that rose and fell like ocean waves.

This is one I view as the Party album of the era, something you could put on the spinner or the tape deck in a house while your school friends were gathered on a Saturday night, and play it all the way through without anyone complaining. This is IMHO an album with no throwaways, almost every song ranked at least Good and better. It's almost like the Sgt. Peppers of the Van Halen discography. The fans loved it even though Eddie (and the critics) didn't...

Epic Song(s): Dancing in the Streets, Little Guitars (intro)
Great Song(s): Where Have All the Good Times Gone, Hang Em High, Intruder, (Oh) Pretty Woman, Little Guitars, Happy Trails (shut up, it's fun)
Good Song(s): Cathedral, Secrets

Title: Van Halen II

Reasons: I wrote before – both reviewing U2 as well as the Beatles – the second album from a band usually isn't as great as the first due to various factors: It's made up of lesser songs from that first album, a rushed nature of recording to match that first album, the expectations to follow up with something both similar yet refreshing, etc. Van Halen's second album is no exception, usually for all those reasons I mentioned. In this case, however, the band still excelled with an album that is actually easier and accessible, comes across as more polished and focused rather than rushed.

It could be my own ears and my own judgment call here. It can well be that I found the songs on the second album more enjoyable, that the lyrics and melodies spoke to me differently than the harder noise of the debut album. I certainly found the songs like “Beautiful Girls” and “Dance the Night Away” as greater accomplishments than “Running With the Devil” and “You Really Got Me.” Thing is, if you released this together with the first as a double album, it would all blend in as one epic album and nobody would complain about it.

Epic Song(s): Dance the Night Away, Bottoms Up, Beautiful Girls
Great Song(s): Somebody Get Me A Doctor, Spanish Fly
Good Song(s): Light Up the Sky, DOA. Women in Love

Title: 1984

Reasons: What I remembered when this came out, there was a lot of publicity and anticipation. Some of it had to do with the when and how – unleashing the first single “Jump” on New Year's Eve heading into 1984 itself – as well as this mood across the music landscape that rock bands had to step up to challenge this one album from 1982 called Thriller by Michael Jackson that had basically steamrolled the globe (still two years on!). There was a lot of pressure on Van Halen the band because Eddie Van Halen was a part of that Thriller juggernaut having played an epic guitar solo in the hit song “Beat It.” There was also the need to rebound from the negative critical reactions they got from Diver Down, as well as pressure from the company (always always in the music biz) of getting a Number One song into the books.

The result was an album that reflected the synthetic manufactured ambience of the 1980s, especially with Eddie leaning into the use of synth keyboard to replicate his finger-picking style on guitar. Very noticeable on “Jump,” that Number One song that placated the studio, where the fast-tempo of the keyboards mimicking how the guitar would play but giving it a different sound than a guitar would.

The album would represent that schizoid style between Eddie's musical instincts and David's hard rock focus. The result was an album with sure hits and power rock songs, not necessarily meshing well but definitely the big hit of the decade that any band would live for. We should be talking a lot more about "Panama," a car-cruising ode that deserves more love from rock critics and historians as the perfect blend of all four band members' strengths as musicians. About half this album gets airplay to this day, especially the controversial “Hot for Teacher.”

What happened afterward in response to the frictions between Van Halen and Roth, obviously, shook the rock n roll scene ever since.

Epic Song(s): Jump, Panama, Hot For Teacher
Great Song(s): Top Jimmy, Girl Gone Bad, House of Pain
Good Song(s): 1984, I'll Wait

Title: Women and Children First


Reasons: I got this album after I had gotten into Van Halen's 1984, as part of my effort to keep up with the cool kids on the block. It surprised me that other than “Everybody Wants Some!” this was an album that was woefully underplayed on the radio (even "And the Cradle..." wasn't as often-played), and not as talked about as a great album in its own right.



Where the first two albums eclipsed this third one, this is where the band expanded their sound just enough to make it grittier yet more polished. A hint of blues coming through songs like “Fools” and “Take Your Whiskey Home.” This is probably where my love for Doors music seeped into my love for this album (which compares in some respects to Morrison Hotel, only better).

Every time my brother Phil asks me what the best Van Halen album is, I always point to this one.

“Everybody Wants Some!” which anchors this album and powered by Alex's epic drumbeats is arguably the best cruising-the-street song of my generation if not all time. The rest of the album keeps up with that power. It's a personal decision ranking this here, and I understand that by not ranking it top overall (because the top one has its history and place within the rock n roll pantheon that I can't ignore). But if anyone ever tells me which Halen album to listen to first to get an understanding of why they were one of the greatest bands ever, THIS is the one I'll point to because it covers everything the band does best.

Epic Song(s): And the Cradle Will Rock, Everybody Wants Some!, Take Your Whiskey Home
Great Song(s): Fools, Tora Tora!, In a Simple Rhyme
Good Song(s): Romeo's Delight, Could This Be Magic

Title: Van Halen

Reasons: Personally this is not my favorite Van Halen album (see the previous entry above), but I respect its place in rock n roll history by putting it here. This is the album based off of a demo tape recorded by Gene Simmons (of KISS fame) they shopped around the music industry, backed by a series of well-received live shows in the L.A. Scene. It's packed with hard rock goodness and blistering guitar noises that spurred hundreds of suburban white boys and girls to learn “Eruption” in their parents' garages.

It's that song – an instrumental by Eddie – that anchors the whole album: if you broke it down, it's basically a finger-picking (or more precisely string-tapping) exercise made up of classical music snippets, but Van Halen's genius with using both hands to finger-tap it revolutionized the metal guitar solo and made this the go-to song to learn how to do that.

What happened with this album release was that it caught much of the music scene off-guard: it came at a time when Punk was the Next Big Thing (which never took because guess what, Punk was too raw even for Rock), as Led Zeppelin and other hard rock acts were retreating from the stage (either to fatigue, fallout, or other woes). Critics blasted it but fans ate it up: It's one of the biggest-selling debut albums in music history (eventually certified Diamond status years later).

To be honest, there's really not much here other than the standard metal sounds of the day... just done at Ramones-like speed, Led Zep-like power, and hyped by David Lee Roth's yelps of joy. This doesn't have the party-like flavor of the other great Van Halen albums, but it has the hook of “You should pay attention to what we're about to do next because your kids and grandkids will be learning it for the next 100 years.

Epic Song(s): Running with the Devil, Eruption, Ain't Talking Bout Love
Great Song(s): You Really Got Me, I'm the One, Atomic Punk, Ice Cream Man
Good Song(s): Jamie's Cryin', Feel Your Love Tonight

* * *

I could look at reviewing the official live album(s) and the greatest hits album that included new Van Hagar songs, but they're not necessary to understand the overall impact the band had. I could include the David Lee Roth solo albums, but that's not entirely part of the Van Halen history... oh what the hell, here's an album cover!

From here, I am considering a review of Bruce Springsteen, or else a review of Led Zeppelin, whichever makes more sense to ye. PLEASE leave a comment so I may make sure.

Monday, October 26, 2020

War of the Murder Hornets: IT BEGINS

So yeah, I have a bit of an obsession with MURDER HORNETS. I wouldn't call it a fear per se, I would consider it...

(buzzing noise)

AH FFFCCCKKKK THEY'RE HERE THEY HEARD ME SPEAK DISPARAGINGLY AHHHHH BREAK OUT THE FLAMETHROWERS

AHH MURDER HORNET
LOOK AT THAT SCOWL.
The Murder Hornet is all business... and its business is MURDER!

So while I'm on the run trying to avoid lethal stingers that SPIT VENOM (OH NOW THEY TELL ME THIS?!) let's celebrate the brave souls who went into harm's way to avenge all humanity and bee-kind against this insect form of Anti-Life (via the Guardian).

The state agriculture department spent weeks searching, trapping and using dental floss to tie tracking devices to Asian giant hornets, which can deliver painful stings to people and spit venom but are the biggest threat to honeybees farmers depend on to pollinate crops.

The nest found in the city of Blaine near the Canadian border was about the size of a basketball and contained an estimated 100 to 200 hornets, according to scientists who announced the find on Friday.

On Saturday, crews wearing thick protective suits vacuumed the invasive insects from the cavity of a tree into large canisters. The suits stopped the hornets’ 6mm stingers hurting workers, who also wore face shields because the trapped hornets were capable of spitting a painful venom.

The tree will be cut down to extract newborn hornets and learn if any queens have left the hive, scientists said. Officials suspect more nests may be in the area and will keep searching. A news briefing was planned for Monday...

It's not over. The war against MURDER HORNETS is never over...

And now having seen the weird-ass biohazard suits everyone had to wear into battle (WORST. STILSUITS. EVER) I need to edit that story I submitted to the Strangely Funny editors last month.

Via TMZ.com

Why the red lights? It's not that the MURDER HORNETS are color blind. It's that the MURDER HORNETS are so angry all they see is red.

(more buzzing noises)

OHFCKIVEPISSEDTHEMOFFAGAINRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN...


 

Thursday, October 22, 2020

How America Fell Into The Darkest Timeline of 2020

(Update 10/24: Thank you Tengrain for linking this to Crooks & Liars on the daily Mike's Blog Round-Up page! Welcome to mah award-winning blog, people! Browse around, don't cost nuthin'...)

In some of my insomnia-driven nights of anxiety and stress, I wonder often just how the hell this all happened. In these moments I know I'm not the only one who thinks this, I know far too many people at work and online and in my circle of family and friends who are just as stressed as I am.


Part of me knows this Darkest Timeline didn't just crop up out of nowhere: This is the end result of decades of plans and schemes by a Far Right element of our political discourse that despised how things were turning in the 1960s and 1970s and had decided to play The Game more ruthlessly and recklessly than ever before.

But this all still seemed like it creeped up on us, doesn't it? Perhaps too much hope and too much faith in the Long Arc of Justice, I suppose. I can only speak for myself on that.

The groundwork of this destruction had been there ever since the fearmongering of the 20th Century against Communism and its first cousin Socialism, added to the racism that had ruined the United States since the days of Slavery and even worse through Jim Crow, the backlash against the Civil Rights era of the 1960s, and to today with the struggle against police brutality against poor (read: Black) communities. (There's an item to discuss later on, that there's proof of how racism directly hurts the U.S. especially in the area of finance and Capitalism we're supposed to be so good at)

All that fearmongering comes into play as the partisan divide between the two major parties grew: Where there had been moderate factions in both Republican and Democratic ranks, the Republicans pursued a Southern Strategy that sought to merge all conservative thought - economic, ethnic, religious, cultural - into one Far Right Conservatism without room for Moderate bipartisanship and no love for accountability.

We've been at the point for more than a decade where John Cole's observationI really don’t understand how bipartisanship is ever going to work when one of the parties (re: the Republicans) is insane - has been proven again and again... and yet everyone else in a position to make note of it and react against that madness - the Beltway punditry - sit there and pretend these problems only cropped up yesterday. And worse, the media is already pretending that if trump is forced out of office this problem of being in the Darkest Timeline goes away.

trump alone is not the source of the cruelty, greed, and racism dominating current Republican ideology. It's been there before he rolled down that escalator in 2015, and there's every sign it will get worse once trump goes away. Look at Ed Kilgore's evaluation of past and future GOP malevolence documented in Steve Benen's work The Imposters, reviewed here in Washington Monthly:

...The Imposters is a skillful illustration of how rank cynicism allowed Donald Trump to easily take control of the Republican Party. Republicans, Benen shows, already had subordinated their traditions and alleged values to unprincipled hypocrisy, indifference to facts and empirical data, and self-serving partisanship long before Trump arrived. The GOP created a vacuum in its own soul that the 45th president was easily able to fill with his inflated self-regard and his uninhibited politics of lies and polarization...

Over the last several decades, the Republican Party has been conquered by the Christian right and the overwhelmingly white Tea Party movement. The former has a theocratic vision for America. The latter militantly opposes economic redistribution. These movements converged with a realization that demographic trends were unfriendly to their party’s older base, generating a white identity politics that found its natural expression in the intensely divisive and intermittently racist stylings of Trump.

Consider, for example, Trump’s promise to “Make America Great Again.” It is effectively a pledge to return to the days when white men walked tall in America, Christianity was a quasi-official creed, and foreign influences were on the margins of national life—precisely the world that most Republicans yearn for. Trump’s steady appointment of conservative judges gives evangelicals, many of whom believe that abortion is literal murder, exactly what they want. His heavy (if erratic) investment in restrictionist immigration policies has always been central to his appeal, and the sudden lurch of the GOP in that direction after George W. Bush and John McCain championed a more diverse future was far from being just another area of Republican electoral opportunism...

The modern Republican cannot reform because they dare not. Even in the face of demographic shifts away from their power base - away from the religious extremists, the racists, and the defenders of the uber-rich - they had put in so much effort to create this power base they have no way to redirect that base onto different paths. They can't change their tune about immigrants being monsters, they can't take back their "Birth Control Is Murder" chants, they can't reject the massive and unpopular tax cuts they've granted to their deep-pocket overlords. 

Republicans have staked out positions of ideological value so extreme that any attempt to move away from them would cause permanent schisms in the factions they've merged together, and would push the party out of any national role - which it currently clings to only due to Minority Rule status thanks to gerrymandering and geographic factionalism - for multiple future generations. And given the purge of Moderates (the RINOs hunted into obscurity) since the early 1990s, there are no leaders among those factions willing or able to moderate themselves or find the power within the party's structure to force such decisions for the long-term good of their own organization.

One of the hopes of various pundits is that once trump is gone, some form of sanity will return to the Republican Party and they'll take steps to rehabilitate themselves and their image. But it's too late. And it wasn't even trump's fault they're like this. All trump did was show how to exploit the rage and fear to create a devoted cultish voting base. There is no coming back from this. The Republicans had their chance to reject Trumpism (tm) but ignored it when they refused to rally to the likes of Jeb, Rubio, Christie, or Kasich. It's all trump now, and when trump is gone his replacement will play the same strategy. 

This is now the foundation of the modern Republican Party: Racism, Sexism, Political Obstruction, Tax Cuts Forever, Own the Libs, Make America Lose Again. There is no savior coming to save the Republicans. It's trumps all the way down.

And if the Republicans succeed in rigging the game against Democracy and the needs of the nation, they're dragging the rest of us down with them.

The only way out of this pit of doom is to stop voting Republican across the board. Just stop. You don't have to vote Democratic, although that helps the most. Just stop putting Republicans in political power, because they honest-to-God cannot be trusted with that power, not now not for another ten generations, not until all this extremist madness is drained out of their descendants.

We can climb out of the Darkest Timeline, America. But we're going to have to leave the Republicans in that dark deep pit that they made for themselves.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

I've Dwelt Among the (Almost) Humans: A Quickie About Some Squickies

My college dorm roommate at UF was dating this one girl for a few months who shared a story about something a crazy in-law did over the holidays.

She had come across one of her in-laws, the brother to her sister-in-law, while the rest of the family was elsewhere in the house prepping for the holiday meal. The brother-in-law was lying on a guest bed, pants unzipped and stroking himself and looking right at her the whole time, as though what he was doing was somehow enticing or seductive. She fled the scene as soon as she could.

So I was a college-aged male, mostly no different from other hetero men that age intrigued (or obsessed) with sex and pretty girls (I admit to having a stash of Playboys in my college years), and even I was going "what an idiot!" that brother-in-law was. It made no sense to me, exposing himself to another woman (related by marriage) stroking off in a spot where any other relative could catch him and embarrass himself to the entire clan, acting as though the stuff he saw in pornos really worked out in Real Life.

I mean, I know guys are pervs. We shouldn't be, but we are. I know I'm not the cleanest person to pass judgment on others here, but even I knew there were limits, boundaries, proper behavior under all circumstances. I know we all need to live up to the admonition "don't be a Guy, be a Man." 

In short: Showing off your Pocket Rocket (i.e., your One-Eyed Bishop, your Trouser Snake, your Action Jackson, okay I'll stop) - especially in public, especially unsolicited - is/was/will be a bad idea.

And yet... We keep getting these stories of sexual harassment in the workplace, men exposing themselves in uncalled-for places and times, guys taking selfies of their self and forwarding them across the Intertubes as though ALL would bow in awe of their turgid-ness. Christ, even Captain America got caught with nude selfies in the mix, and he sent that out by accident (part of a photo dump he should have taken a closer look-see before he pressed the Send button).

This week alone two weird-ass storied dropped on the public newsfeeds.

A political pundit with the New Yorker, Jeffrey Toobin, got caught on a live Zoom chat with his... personage showing and it appeared he had been masturbating during a chat session (reportedly about election results). His excuse ultimately ended up being "sorry, I thought I had muted the video feed," as though that cleared him of beating off to 270towin maps. The HELL?

It does not help Toobin that he's faced previous accusations of illicit and unsavory behavior towards women - an extramarital affair here, unwanted advances there - that underscores the likelihood he's been into pervy activity whenever he thought the cameras were turned off.

And speaking about cameras being left on, here comes - gross - Rudy Giuliani, who meets up with Sasha Baron Cohen's character Borat in a sequel film released this weekend. In a case of setting Rudy up for a filmed prank, he gets talked into meeting a cute "reporter" (an actress playing Borat's daughter) in a hotel room for a drink. Before you know it, Rudy is lying down on the bed shoving one hand into his pants before Borat has to bust into the room (with Cohen staying in character) to stop the scene from getting any sicker. 

Giuliani's excuse - when the movie came out and everyone suddenly realized how much of a perv he is - is that he was merely "tucking in his shirt."

I'm a guy. Don't fucking lie to me, Rudy. You stand up to tuck in your shirt, not lie down (because standing up after you've reclined will untuck the shirt anyway).

Rudy was lying down ready to jack off in front of a woman where he thought it would be safe to do so - a hotel room - in some primate-like need to show off his tallywacker. It was reading the reports on this that triggered my memory of my roomie's then-girlfriend sick experience with that in-law.

So what do you think Giuliani does in situations where the guys catching him on film AREN'T there to prank him but compromise him?

After all these years of hearing the stories, reading about the unwelcome spread of dick pics, and all the real-world acts of exposure as part of the harassment habits of men in the workplace, I'm still unsettled (no, more like horrified) that my fellows among the male persuasion are so obsessed with their dicks that they are driven to act like dicks.

And this is why I do not laugh at Werner Herzog in Rick & Morty, where he reveals his sad, woeful tale of what we humans have exposed to him during his time studying us:


I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they're small. It's funny to say they're big. I've been at parties where humans have held bottles, pencils, thermoses, in front of themselves and called out, "Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-and-so dick. I've got such-and-such for a penis." I never saw it fail to get a laugh...

It's not a throwaway gag, folks. Werner Herzog is indicting male humanity with an unhealthy obsession with our own fucking dicks. It's an obsession that doesn't help us in any way, and it causes more stupidity and reckless disregard for women - and even other men - than needs to be in our world.

Christ, guys. Learn better discretion. Learn some manners towards other people for every occasion. KEEP IT IN YOUR FUCKING PANTS.

Don't be dumb-ass dick-obsessed guys. Be men.

Monday, October 19, 2020

I Voted Early Today in 2020

I found out today that not EVERY county in Florida has early voting going on this week, but today October 19 Polk County did start the early voting and so after work I drove from the library to the Bartow Community Center where they have it set up from now until Sunday November 1.

The parking lot was relatively small and it was packed, but the line was short enough that I was second in line and got to see the poll volunteer within a minute. Got the three-page double-sided scantron form printed out and I inked in my choices (BIDEN/HARRIS) and then fed the pages into the scanner, got my I VOTED EARLY sticker, and left.

I admit seeing a handful of pro-trump hats and even a trump mask, but the turnout of voters were a mix of ages, genders, ethnicities. I did not think to ask how the lines might have been earlier in the day, but considering Bartow is a relatively small town (population around 17,000 last I looked) a packed community center is a healthy sign of turnout.

Took the obligatory selfie outside:


By the by, the Early Voting location is doubling as a Vote-By-Mail ballot drop off, hopefully should be the same at other locations.

So I've committed my vote. Deep exhale. Yes, I know there's still madness in the next two weeks to survive, plus the madness post-election when the war over the actual counting commences. I've done my part in this regard. Placing my faith in the system that the machine will count me true, placing my hope with the county elections officers to do their jobs fair and honest.

Now I got to keep doing the job that the rest of us need to do: Advocate for massive voter turnout for the Democrats across the board, every state ballot every local referendum, get the DAMN vote out. Vote Blue in Florida. Vote Blue in EVERY state and DC, America. We can get the votes to throw that corrupt trump out of the White House and make every other elected Republican answer for their corruption and deception.

It's GO time, America. Save ourselves, Vote Biden...


Sunday, October 18, 2020

Royal Palm Literary Awards 2020 Winners

You might recall I am a writer of letters and such - blogging obviously - and that I've been nominated before with the Florida Writers Association's Royal Palm Literary Awards.

This year one of my entries - the article on "Seven Reasons NOT to Invade Iran" - had reached Finalist status qualifying for making the RPLA Awards (Gold first, Silver second, Bronze third), and last night the FWA held their awards ceremony (alas, due to pandemic this was not done at a fancy banquet with artistically done desserts but online, so ice cream at home was served).

Ta-da.


It always feels good to get recognized - especially by peers to whom I am grateful - for your creative endeavors.

So now, I hold dear the award won, and move on to writing the next blog article... about the heartbreak of having a beloved car model hijacked by Michigan gun nuts. DAMN THEM. Ahem, excuse me... going for the Gold this time (owstophittingme).