BREAKING NEWS: Ted Cruz Assumes All His Eggs Are Chickens, Puts Cart Before Horse, Rearranges Titanic Deckchairs Into Pleasing Patterns

Is this seriously happening?

Via CNN:

Ted Cruz will name Carly Fiorina as his vice presidential running mate on Wednesday, according to two sources -- a last-ditch move to regain momentum after being mathematically eliminated from winning the GOP presidential nomination outright.

The Texas senator will make the announcement at an afternoon rally in Indiana, which votes Tuesday in the next GOP contest. Cruz must have a strong showing in the Hoosier State to help block rival Donald Trump from securing the 1,237 delegates necessary to win the nomination, and keep alive his hopes of a contested Republican National Convention.

Cruz is trying to recapture the narrative and keep himself relevant after Trump seized momentum in the 2016 race with a sweep of all five East Coast states on Tuesday, which puts him closer to having enough delegates to win the Republican nomination. The unusual move from the Cruz campaign also comes just hours after the billionaire businessman, who is trying to look like the presumptive nominee, gave a high-profile scripted speech on foreign policy...

Okay, having lived through the past year of absolute crazy political campaigning news, even with half the crazy stuff Trump has thrown out there and some of the more embarrassing things Jeb? ever tried before he disappeared, THIS has to be the craziest WTF moment yet.

How is this crazy?

For starters, Cruz doesn't have the nomination locked up.

You're supposed to pick your Vice-Presidential choice once it's been confirmed you have the delegates in place to win the Convention. Traditionally, the Vice President was picked at the convention itself as part of the back-room deals the party bosses worked out to keep the factions happy, but ever since the Primary system eliminated such deal-making the Veep choice has been left to the winning nominee.

Cruz is not the winning nominee. Granted, neither is Trump at the moment, but at least Trump has the chance to be.

Second of all, selecting the likes of Carly Fiorina does not help Cruz's case that he is capable of making sound decisions. He's going with a choice with a failed political campaigner, in that Fiorina lost both her earlier Senate campaign and her recent attempt for the Republican Presidential nomination. Fiorina's resume of being a "successful" businessperson is itself flawed: she's well-known for having mismanaged Hewlett Packard as CEO and was ignobly fired from that job. There's nothing there of merit or confidence for voters to like.

Third, this move reeks of desperation. The CNN report itself is claiming Cruz is doing this to jump-start his campaign and regain momentum to win over the few remaining states not yet siding with Trump. Problem is, who's going to buy this move? Carly's home state of California? She couldn't win there as a Senate candidate. The number of people who are moved to switch votes based on a Veep choice are few: nobody is going to run away from Trump all because Fiorina is teaming up with Cruz.

The only way this move makes any sense is that Cruz is convinced he already has his path laid out and he's already winning that July convention. Either that means he's already planning on cheating with the delegates to turn on Trump even if Trump wins outright, or he's convinced Trump can't win enough delegates period.

Either way, Cruz is courting self-destruction. If he steals away the nomination from Trump, it'll be civil war within the GOP. If he wins out a legitimate fight over unbound delegates because Trump didn't cross the threshold, Cruz still has to answer to a majority of Republican voters who believe the candidate with the most delegates ought to be the nominee.

This is too crazy for even this Florida Man to contemplate. I'm going to go wrestle a gator or something to bring myself back to my senses.